Silver and Gold: Beyond the Jashinist and Kunoichi
by thatonegirlwiththehat
Summary: A collection of AU oneshots themed around HidanxIno. Rated for Hidan's mouth. Disclaimer: Kishimoto owns Naruto.
1. Outlaw and Rancher's Daughter

**A/N: Hello! Well, not much to say here. HidanxIno is my OTP. I don't know why... they are. And this is an AU oneshot... inspired by some fic I read about a funeral, and old western shows like 'The Lone Ranger' and 'Bonanza'. Does anyone else remember those? I doubt it... I have to be one of the youngest people to be interested in those old shows...**

Ino peeked over her chair as the sound of the door slamming interrupted the reverend, Iruka Umino, from his rather long sermon. Her blonde head was not the only one to turn, several other of the bored, young adults turned around. Shikamaru Nara was immediately thwacked by his mother and quickly turned around, looking very unhappy. Sakura Haruno, Rock Lee, Sasuke Uchiha, Choji Akimichi, Kiba Inuzuka, and Naruto Uzumaki watched until they were satisfied. Neji and Hinata Hyuga, Tenten, and Shino Aburame watched only as long as manners could permit.

Ino herself could hardly tear her eyes away from the newcomers. They stalked in the sanctuary, took a seat in the very back pew, and then their actions started showing their personalities. The one with the hat pulled low over his eyes and his bandana high on his neck ignored all the stares while his friend returned each stare with one far darker and more threatening. Their appearances, too, were very different. The first covered almost all his skin with darkly colored clothes, the second wore no hat and had his shirt open to reveal a muscular chest and a silver rosary around his neck. His hair was a darker grey and his eyes an unusual color: purple. The other, very clothed man seemed to have dark hair and blood-shot eyes of a blue or green shade, and tanned skin.

Both fit in with everyone else at the funeral, dressed completely in black, and with either straight-faced or somber and stormy expressions. Something about them just didn't blend, though. Ino wasn't sure, but there was a very prominent air around them. She shivered, and turned back around.

She was only able to hear a few sentences of Reverend Iruka's sermon before her attention was once again caught by the two seated only a pew behind her. She turned once again, her bright blue eyes never leaving the two, her sharp ears picking up every whispered word.

"One. Just one, Kakuzu. We've been at this for days. I haven't had time for proper worship!"

"No. Absolutely not. We're only here for the bounty, Hidan. Do you know who the sherriff is?"

"No, why the f-"

"Shh! We're in a church!"

"... Oh, sure, you can respect these freaking stupid pagans but not my worship of Jashin-sama!"

"We shouldn't stick out anymore than we already do. This sherriff happens to offer some of the more appealing rewards and I will not get on such a person's bad side."

"Oh, f-"

"SHH!"

"... you..."

"Hidan, have I ever told you how much I want to kill you?"

"Piss off. Why do we have to wait here while they cry over this stupid old geezer, anyway? Idiot. Bet he never even did a single useful thing in his life. Old fart. A-"

"Shh! Hidan."

"... what kind of crap is this? I can't kill, I can't swear, I f-"

"SHH!"

"... ing hate you, Kakuzu." Ino couldn't tell, but she thought she spied a smirk in Kakuzu's scarred and shadowy face.

Iruka, looking rather strained and put-out by the two troublemakers in the back, ended his sermon with a song. Everyone rose to their feet, and Ino was forced to avert her eyes from the two behind her. As they sang the old hymn, Ino swore that every now and then she would hear a cuss word slipped into the lyrics by an unmistakably querelous voice.

Ino followed her parents outside, one of the first out of the stuffy church over-populated by heavily perfumed elderly women and bouquets of flowers; most of which were supplied by the Yamananka Florist Shoppe. She stood to the side, under the warm sun, waiting for her friends to join her as the breeze lifted her dark purple dress up, revealing her lace-up boots. While she waited she kept an eye on the front doors, but she didn't see the two mysterious strangers come out.

Sakura was the first to walk over. Her hair was a very light strawberry-blonde, almost pink in color, and her eyes a green shade that complimented her porcelain complexion. She was pretty, but far too hot-tempered for a woman. Ino had given her a few pointers in fashion and Sakura's dark, charcoal grey dress was brightened by a red ribbon tied in Sakura's silky hair.

The moment Hinata could break away from her family she walked over to join the two girls. Her dark hair was pinned up and she alone was wearing black of Ino's friends. The gown was a masterpiece, made of fine materials with lovely lace and even some silk in the bodice. The style was a little outdated but it didn't detract from the beauty of it.

"I love your dress, Hinata!" Ino squealed as soon as she walked over.

"Thank you. It was my mother's." The silver-eyed girl said.

"Ino, doesn't Sasuke just look _dashing_ today? I've never seen him dressed up before... he doesn't come to church, does he?" Sakura said.

"No, I don't think he does. He is very handsome today, though. Why is it he only came for the funeral? To think we've been denied this wonderful sight for so long when normally we'd see it every week! Oh, my thoughts overwhelm me!" Ino faked a swoon and Hinata bore the two girls' teasing with the same good natured smile as always, while someone like Shikamaru would've rolled his eyes.

"Howdy! Did anyone else see those two crazy-looking guys in the back row?" Direct, to the point, that would be Tenten. Ino hugged the brown-clad, brown-eyed, brown-haired girl.

"Tenten! Haven't seen you in a month! What, did you get sick?" The happy girl laughed, tilting her nose up. Ino admired the flower print on Tenten's dress and was about to tell her when Tenten repeated her question.

"No! And don't change the subject. Does anyone know who those two mysterious people were?" Ino wondered if anyone else had overheard the same conversation she had.

"No, I saw them walk in, but figured they were just friends of the deceased coming in late..." Hinata said.

"I don't know who they are. The one -the one with the hat pulled low over his face- looks like he's scarred all over..." Sakura mused.

"Ugh! Everywhere?" Tenten shivered disgustedly.

"Well, I could only see his face and his hands." Sakura clarified.

"It seemed like he was scarred to me, too." Ino said. "He looked scary."

"I-I thought the same thing." Hinata admitted.

"Girls! Stop chit-chatting and come help!" Called one of the women, aproned and carrying a platter of food for the potluck meal that always followed a funeral.

"Coming!" Said Tenten. The four headed off in their seperate directions, each to their different station. Tenten cut pies and cakes and carved the chicken someone brought, Sakura arranged things on platters for the servers, Hinata poured drinks, and Ino was one of the many carrying platters to the three long tables where the congregation was seated.

At the last table, Ino spied two heads; one silver, one wearing a dark hat. The two were in another conversation and as Ino drew nearer, serving pieces of Mrs Yakiniku's famous BBQ to those seated at the table, she was able to hear some of it.

"I say we take the old geezer and run. Why the h-"

"Hidan..."

"Should I have to wait here like this, Kakuzu!"

"Stop acting like a child or Sasori, Hidan. If you're that bored, find something to entertain yourself."

"Retarded hosts, making us go outside! What kind of food is this, anyway? I'm telling you, Kakuzu, I'm behind in my sacrifices! Jashin-sama's wrath will fall on you, you d-"

"Hidan."

"... miser!" Ino smirked at the frustration of Hidan, growing purple with rage as he was unable to finish his cussing. The hatted man also smirked, and nodded as Ino approached with the platter of meat.

"I would like a piece of that, Miss." Ino smiled and used the tongs to place the food on his plate, which already had a piece of fried chicken and some salad. The chicken had to have been served to him but salads, jellies, and stewed and pickled produce were already on the tables, being passed around and self-served.

"Here you go, sir."

"Thank you. Hidan!"

The silver haired, violet-eyed man spun around. "What?" He spat.

"Would you like some?" Ino smiled, trying to keep the smirk out of it. Hidan glared at her and the food she carried.

"Try some, Hidan, it's very good." Kakuzu said.

"Huh? Ugh, fine." He reached up to the platter, paused as he saw Ino grab a piece of BBQ with her tongs, and drew back his arm and slouched over the table. Ino placed the meat on his plate, which had a small pile of coleslaw on it and a wad of what looked suspiciously like chewed-up-and-spit-out coleslaw on the rim.

"Hidan." Kakuzu elbowed him. Hidan quickly straightened up.

"WHAT!" Scarred fingers gestured to Ino. "Oh, thanks, bitch."

"No problem!" Ino cheerily replied, ignoring the name Hidan called her and the glowers Kakuzu was giving him.

When Ino was done serving the BBQ, she grabbed a plate and filled it with the foods she wanted and grabbed a seat on the benches where a few of the "young people" were sitting next to Shikamaru Nara and Hinata.

"Howdy, Shikamaru." She said to her neighbor and close friend.

"Ino." He grunted, mouth half full with food. Ino looked around at the group: Kiba and Naruto were engaged in a spirited argument, a blushing Hinata watched them. Choji was heartily eating a plate piled high, as usual. Sasuke was seated at the very end, ignoring the rest of the group. Sakura sat next to him, trying to pull him in a conversation.

She started eating as quickly as possible, shoving fried chicken, coleslaw, and four bean salad down her throat, as Hinata and Sakura were doing. When they were done, they were free to talk. Sakura managed to get Sasuke talking, mostly about his famous aim and job while Kiba and Naruto brought their argument over to Hinata who stammered and blushed her opinion.

"SAKURA! INO! HINATA!" Tenten boomed. Ino jumped up, spilling her punch on her dress, which was just light enough to stain.

"Oh, shoot." She muttered. She dabbed it with her napkin, and handed her half-full cup to Shikamaru. "Hold this please." He nodded, and she walked over to Tenten, a few steps behind the other girls.

"Ino, can you get the apple pie?" Tenten asked. Ino fell in step beside her.

"I just spilled punch over my dress. Can you cover for me?" Tenten glanced at the stain.

"Well, that looks like it'll be a might hard to clean. Sure, sure. I'll find one of the younger girls, maybe Moegi, and ask them to help."

"Thank you!" Ino took off to the other side of the church, where no one could see her, after grabbing a towel. She started rubbing her purple skirt, black with the stain of the punch. Warm winds played with her fair, blonde hair pulled back in a braid.

The stain was stubborn, and wouldn't come out. Ino frowned in concentration, so deeply absorbed in removing the mark so she could run back and help Tenten and the others with the desserts.

"Spill?" Ino spun around towards the taunting and familiar voice.

"No dessert?" She asked.

"Don't like sweet things." Ino smiled, Hidan had just given her a perfect opening.

"Not even me?" She teased. To her surprise he looked her over and smiled.

"You might be just the type of person I was looking for." It sounded like flirting to Ino.

"And what would that be?"

"Oh, you know," Hidan said, smirking at her. "Someone who enjoys getting alone, outside, where it's easier to clean up... practical. And cool-headed. I don't mind fighters, but I hate screamers." Ino looked at him, studying him more closely than before. It wouldn't do to not be able to give a good description of who she was scandalously flirting with.

His silver hair was not from age, that much was certain. There were no lines on his handsome, noble face; he could only be about three or four years older than Ino, who was sixteen. Beside his grey, half open shirt his other clothes were dark: charcoal grey pants and black, dust covered boots. Not a bad look...

"I suppose I'm perfect, then." Ino said.

"Close. Oh, so very close." Hidan murmered.

"Ah, well, you won't know until you try." Ino was fully enjoying leading Hidan on. He grinned in surprise at her.

"What's your name?"

"Ino."

"Ino... your a bold one, Ino."

"Oh, really? Me?"

"Yes... so tell me, Ino, why are you all the way up here? View?"

Ino studied him again, still smiling. "Not my original intentions, but it's looking pretty handsome."

"Bold..." Hidan's voice bordered on a whisper, so low and quiet she had to lean closer to hear him. He took the opportunity and ran his fingers along the side of her face, her cheekbone, her neck.

"You have no idea." Surpising even herself, Ino closed the distance with a kiss. He responded eagerly, kissing her as she held him tightly.

"No..." Hidan pulled away. "Oh, what to do with her... what to do..." Ino couldn't help but smile at him.

"Make up your mind, because I won't wait forever." Hidan lowered his gaze from the sky to her cornflower blue eyes.

"I bet you won't. And this is the closest I will ever get to you..." Hidan siezed her shoulders and kissed her once again, this time biting down on her lip enough to draw blood.

"Ow..."

"That," Hidan licked his lip. "Is the closest I will ever get to tasting your sweet blood." Ino was starting to get the feeling something was wrong here...

"What's going o-MMF!" She started to ask, but Hidan had picked up the towel she brought and pressed it to her lip.

"This is the most blood I will ever draw from you." Ino was definitely scared. She backed up as Hidan took off the silver rosary and approached her.

"Please, stop." There was a tremble in her voice.

Hidan ignored her. "And this, my dear, beautiful Ino... this is the closest Jashin-sama will ever get to you." Hidan kissed the rosary and then grabbed Ino's hand and shoved it into her palm. He grinned and then whirled around to leave. Ino watched him walk back around the church to the crowds and food. She stood where she was for a few minutes while she let her mind absorb what just happened.

She left and was about to turn the corner when she heard Hidan's voice and quickly ducked behind a tree.

"Stop asking me. We'll take the corpse now." Ino shuddered at Kakuzu's impatient words. What did they want with Hayate's body?

"Finally!" Hidan almost yelled.

"Shh! I take it you found a way to amuse yourself?"

"Ino?" She gasped and turned around to see Tenten. Ino had no choice but to step out of the tree's shadow, unless she wanted to explain everything to Tenten.

"Yeah." Hidan said.

"What are you doing?" Tenten asked.

"I hope you didn't sacrifice anyone." Kakuzu sounded like he knew and dreaded the answer.

"Um..." Ino said.

"No. Not this time." Hidan dismissed Kakuzu with a wave of his hand.

"What's that?" Tenten asked. Ino followed her gaze to the rosary she was clutching tightly.

"Then where'd you get that blood?" Kakuzu looked pointedly at the towel Hidan was still holding. Hidan's purple eyes slid over to Ino. He smirked and winked, and his spirit caught on to Ino.

"An angel." They said simultaneously, still looking at each other.

Hidan and Ino turned around, each to their own business, ignoring the quizzical Kakuzu and Tenten. Neither looked back but a smile came to both of them as they slipped and tied the rosary and towel around their necks.

**A/N: I hope I'm not the only one who found the "Well, f-" "SHH!" "D-" "HIDAN! "Aw, sh-" "SHH! Hidan, shut up!" "... d-" "SHH!" "you! You old ba-" "Hidan." dialogue amusing. 'Twas fun to write... although I really didn't focus very much on typical cowboy talk at all, sticking with more modern conversatsions.**

**Review?**


	2. Gardener and Student Nurse

**A/N:** Late update. Chapter I was working on got too big, the previous one too angsty. Expect one as it's own story sometime in the future, the other in here once it's been revised.

**WARNING:** Contains more language than my previous chapter and probably any future chapters. Consider the rating M. Because I'm paranoid like that.

_(Note! =HxI= means a line break or POV switch.)_

* * *

><p>Ino knew she shouldn't have had that last drink. She stumbled out to her car, confusedly fumbled around her purse for the keys, and started the engine.<p>

Shikamaru had offered to drive her home, being mostly sober, but she refused. She'd made the drive home before (Although that was after consuming considerably less alcohol) so she could do it again. Besides, she didn't need to be drunk in a car with him.

For all his complaining about women, Shikamaru was quite the player. Perhaps it was the stubble on his chin, the cigarette hanging from his mouth, that smirking smile, or the athletically muscled body that drew women to Shikamaru. Ino didn't know, and didn't care to find out. The memory of the last attractive player's trap she'd fallen into was still fresh in her mind. Sasuke Uchiha. Bastard

"Crap!" Ino shouted, staring out her windowshield. A white squad car was sitting outside her apartment. Ino knew there was no way she would be able to park in the awkwardly slanted parking spots without giving away her current condition. She quickly turned onto a side road and randomly drove on, turning and twisting her way until she was driving on a road right behind the parking lot of a big, abandoned, warehouse-like building.

All that separated the road from the parking lot was a tiny, tiny curb and a strip of grass, mulch, and flowers. Ino made a quick decision, twisted the steering wheel, and ran right over the curb and flowers, swerved into the parking lot, and shut off her car. She was dead-tired, drunk, and could care less if she slept in a bed or in her car. The only thing on her mind was how bad of a hangover she was going to have. tomorrow...

=HxI=

"Shit! My geraniums! I'm gonna kill the fuckhead that did this, rip his arms of his body and burn him alive!" Hidan cried, his eyebrows bent in uncontrollable anger. "Who did this? I'm coming for you, you son of-"

"What's the matter Hidan, someone ruin your precious flowers?" Hidan turned around to face the sneering Kisame.

"Shut up, sharkface!"

"Meh, don't feel like it. By the way, idiot, follow those muddy tire tracks and you'll find a car parked over there." Kisame gestured with his thumb and Hidan jumped up.

"Where's the bastard? I'll get him for this!" He started running, following the messed up and swerving tracks through the parking lot.

As he dashed around, he heard Kisame mutter, "That gardener... takes his job much too seriously."

"I'm a lawnscaper, sharkface!" Hidan shouted.

When the tracks ended, Hidan looked up and saw a single purple car stranded in the middle of the giant parking lot, behind one of the smaller buildings. He angrily stomped over to it and started banging on the driver's window. He could see someone sleeping, covered up by a jacket, their face buried in the seat.

"Hey, hey, wake up you bastard! You freakin' think you can run over my flowers and get away with it? Fuck you! Okay?"

"What... ooh! M'head!" Hidan heard the muffled sound of someone muttering in a half-awake state and started banging harder.

"You heard me! Wake up, you psycho-ass!"

The blanket moved around, slipped off to reveal the newly awoken underneath it. Long blonde hair, tangled and messy, swiveled slowly around until Hidan could see the long bangs hanging over one side of the face and the single visible eye -sky blue- glaring at him.

"Damn! You're a bitch!" Hidan yelled, taking a step backwards.

=HxI=

Ino glared with all the power of her hungover fury at the maintenance man who dared interrupt her slumber.

He slowly backed up, still yelling out curses like there was no tomorrow. Ino clamped a hand to her head in pain. She grabbed her purse, dug in it for her bottle of aspirin, retrieved the bottle, and opened it to reveal the empty insides.

A dark cloud of doom hung over the car as Ino's eyebrows bent further in rage. She could still hear the maintenance man, swearing louder and louder, cursing at her for something she couldn't make out between the colorful language.

Ino opened the door, tripped out of the car, and pulled herself to her feet, ignoring the naseua that pulsed through her ever fiber.

"Give me aspirin or die." She muttered, as soon as the maintenance man stopped his cussing barrage to take a breath.

"What?"

"Don't make me scream it! Aspirin!"

"Hell no!"

Ino once again clutched her head as the sudden movement made her stomach lurch.

She stumbled over to the side of the car, and puked onto the asphalt as the maintenance man snapped into action. Alternately swearing at her and yelling for some "Sharkface" to get her some aspirin, he ran away, but his loud voice never got any fainter.

He returned, and Ino heard the sound of running water before she was hit straight in the face with an icy spray. She screamed, but her mouth filled with water and she both swallowed and breathed some in, and had to fall down to the ground as she coughed and choked.

"Not there, you idiot bitch!" Screamed the maintenance man. Ino opened her eyes, letting a few drops of water that clung to her lashes fall in her eyes and temporarily hinder her vision and looked at where she was sitting.

Right in her own vomit.

"Dammit." She muttered, burying her face in her hands.

=HxI=

Hidan screamed and yelled and cursed and cussed until the airheaded blonde staggered up and out of the way, and then he washed her vomit down the drain with his hose, his finger clamped over the opening to make the spray more focused and powerful. He looked over at the girl, her blonde hair now dark and clinging to her body as she shivered.

"What the heck?" Hidan turned around and rolled his eyes. Just what he needed.

"Shut up, Deidara, and go give that bitch over there some aspirin."

"Do it yourself, un."

"Do I freakin' look like a carry a damn bottle of aspirin with me, idiot?"

"Fine..." Deidara disappeared, presumably to get the blonde some aspirin. Hidan turned his attention back to washing the puke down the drain. Once he finished, he turned back to the girl and focused his anger at his thumb numbing with the cold of the water on her.

"Stand by the drain, turn your back towards me, and I'll clean you off." He ordered, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

"But... the water's cold." She said, quietly.

"Damn straight."

"But... I'm... I-"

"Do you want to walk around with vomit on your ass?"

"No." The girl reluctantly walked over to the drain and turned away from Hidan. It was then that Hidan saw the tight, white pants stopped halfway down her calf and the clear picture they gave of her ass.

"Nice..." He muttered to himself, grinning. The girl turned her head around and glared at Hidan.

"I know what your thinking. Don't mess with me, I'm pretty badass when I'm hungover."

Hidan snorted. "Yeah, I can totally tell that from your vomit." He didn't give her a chance to respond, and started spraying her with the hose. As anyone knows, white cloth becomes see-through when wet, making his job much more enjoyable.

"Are you done yet?" The girl asked.

"Shut up. I'm done when I say I'm done."

"Jerk." She muttered.

"Heard that, bitch."

"My name's Ino."

"Don't give a fuck."

"I'm back! And I have aspirin!" Hidan turned around to see Deidara.

=HxI=

Ino looked up at the young man in front of her, and realized he looked a lot like her.

"Aspirin...?" She choked out, shivering in her freezing, drenched clothes.

"Yeah, un! Hey, you look a little like me? What, are we cousins are something?"

"Aspirin." She repeated, glaring at the blonde.

"Oh, yeah! Here ya go!" He tossed the bottle, but the silver-haired jerk caught it in mid-air.

"Eh eh eh. I'll give you the aspirin if you give me your car keys." Ino scowled, dug in her pocket, and produced the keyring. She threw them to him and he retaliated with the aspirin bottle. Ino happily poured two capsules in her hand and swallowed them.

"So, Hidan, uh, what are you gonna do with this girl, un?" The blonde said.

"Get your mind the hell outta the gutter, Deidara. Wait for her to dry off, then take her to leader. He can call the cops and they can throw her in the slammer for trespassing and nail with a DUI or something."

"Oh, okay." The three sat there in silence as Ino shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. "Shouldn't you get her a towel?" Deidara asked.

"Shut up. Do I look like a fucker with a bleeding heart or something? Din't think so. Bitch ran over my geraniums."

"Geraniums? You're this uptight over some freakin' flowers?" Ino said.

"I'm the gardener, okay? Flowers took me forever to grow. Some shitheaded bitch thinks they can run them over and get away with it? Hell no!"

Ino sighed, shivered again, and let the silence begin again. Better than a conversation with this psycho.

=HxI=

Hidan waited until Ino stopped dripping, then grabbed her by the arm and made sure she didn't try to escape as he led her into the building and up the elevator and steps to Leader's office.

First they had to get through Itachi, the security man. Well, Kisame and Itachi were security. Kisame was supposed to be the muscle, but he was always wandering around causing trouble. Itachi was the brains of the partnership, and besides scaring the pants of people with his special intimidation stare, he handled all the security and surveillance equipment. Itachi fixed Ino with one of his stares and after careful scrutiny, gave them the nod that decreed entry. Hidan rolled his eyes and quickly ushered Ino in.

Next was Tobi, the elevator man. Hidan suffered through two floors with the hyperactive guy asking Ino non-stop questions before he left and used the stairs for the remaining four flights.

After Tobi came Konan, Leader's secretary and assistant. She set her cool gaze on Hidan, Ino, and Deidara for several minutes each before paging them in. When they finally gained entrance into Leader's office, Deidara immediately plopped on one of the two chairs and Hidan shoved Ino in the other, standing behind her so she couldn't run. Leader looked up from his paperwork and gave each of them their third stern look.

"If this is about on of Deidara's family members getting a job, you can forget it."

"The fuck it has to do with Deidara! Why are you even here?" Hidan shouted. Deidara frowned.

"If this is about one of Hidan's fellow Jashinists getting a job, you can for-"

"Bitch sure as hell ain't no Jashinist!"

"Use your inside voice, Hidan." Hidan scowled at the redheaded man.

"Look, this bitch ran over my geraniums, and thinks she can get away with it. Hell no! Call the police and get her for trespassing!"

"Hidan... do we really have to get the law enforcement involved in this?" Leader rubbed his forehead in an attempt to stifle the anger, but Hidan ignored it.

"Fuck yeah! Bitch has to pay!"

"It was an accident!" Pleaded Ino.

"Sure it was!"

"I'm not really involved in this, un. I think I should go." Leader waved his hand at Deidara and he left. Hidan watched Deidara's back until the door closed, than turned back to Leader.

"Just make her pay." He said.

"Have her replant the flowers that can be salvaged, Hidan. Then, seeing as she seems to be hungover, you can drive her home and then when you get the other flowers, have her come and help you plant them. Nothing as drastic as you're suggesting, but I'm not letting her off."

"Just letting her off easy."

"Easy as hell." Muttered Ino.

"Quiet! This is my final decision! If you don't agree, Hidan, I'll let the girl leave without doing anything to pay for the mess she made of your gardenias."

"Geraniums."

"Whatever. Girl, if you don't agree, I can have the cops here in two seconds."

"Fine..."

Hidan scowled, but there was nothing he could do about it. "Follow me, bitch." He said.

=HxI=

Ino pulled the glove on, then the other one. Outside, it had finally warmed up. She pulled on the pair of overalls over her white leggings and fastened the suspenders. They were big and bulky but better than nothing. To complete her look, rubber boots. The boots and overalls were borrowed from Hidan who had two extra pairs of everything, excluding the really expensive machinery. The shed where Ino quickly donned the gardening gear smelled of gasoline, mulch, cut grass, potting soil, rubber, and plants. The clothes had the smell of dirt and grass and sweat mixed in them, along with some kind of deodorant. They hadn't been cleaned for awhile, but Ino didn't mind.

This would be the easy part. She just didn't want to have Hidan drive her home.

She walked out of the shed, saw Hidan leaning against another outbuilding with a few small gardening tools in hand, and stopped. He took notice of her and immediately left, assuming she would follow behind. He was right.

They stopped at the strip of earth between the road and driveway, rimmed by the low curb. Hidan knelt, waited for Ino to kneel beside him, and tossed her a rake and shovel.

"Here, I hope you know how to use these." Ino nodded, and took the shovel. She started on the nearest flower, brushing the soil gently off it's leaves and covering it's roots with the dirt. She began the next, saw it was beyond repair, and dug it out. She could tell just by looking, these plants had been newly planted, and wouldn't survive the damage they'd taken, even if the particular flower was perenniel.

"Your good at this." Hidan's voice made her jump. She looked up from where she was stretching over to put the flower in the bucket he'd brought and stared into his purple eyes.

"Yeah, well, grew up working part time in my parent's flower shop." She had turned her attention back to the flowers and was once again startled as he heard him laughing.

"No way! Bitch like you in a flower shop?" He started cracking up as Ino scowled.

"Yeah, well it didn't last too long. I took off to earn my nursing degree and haven't seen or thought about the flower shop for awhile."

"Heh, sounds familiar. I grew up in a tourist town and ran away from home when I was, oh let's see... nine? Yeah, nine. Couldn't stand the fucking hellhole."

"And now your a gardener." Ino couldn't help but comment, with a snide tone in her voice.

"Lawnscaper! And it sure as hell beats being a drunken nurse-in-training who sat in her own vomit." Ino blushed, and looked down, returning her attention to the flowers.

"So you have it a little better than I do, whatever. Karma's a bitch."

"Ha! Then the two of you should get along great!" He crowed.

"If she'd stop courting a certain idiot and kick him in the balls like he deserves, than yeah, we would."

=HxI=

"Hope you aren't talking about me."

"Nah, some other son of a bitch. Listen, you don't need to drive me home. I can do it myself."

"Yeah, you sure proved that last night."

"She sure proved what last night?" Hidan groaned, pulled up the nearest trampled flower and threw it at the voice. He looked up and was rewarded with dirt-splattered Kisame.

"Get your head out of the fucking gutter, sharkface."

"Make me." Kisame squatted down. "It's so nice to see that Hidan finally found someone who shares his interests. What's your name, beautiful lady?"

"Ino." She still didn't look up at Kisame. Hidan saw she was fussing around with something in the dirt.

"Ino? What a lovely name. Too bad your tastes run to such as Hidan." As Kisame blathered on, Ino subtly turned so Hidan could see what she was messing around in the dirt with. There, beneath a freshly fixed-up flower, were four words scrawled in block letters.

Hidan grinned, nodded, and watched as Ino happily took advantage of his answer to her question "Can I hurt him?".

Kisame rubbed his shin and glared at Ino as she walked back to Hidan. She knelt down, and without glancing back, said "Either shut up or help work."

Kisame glanced from Hidan to Ino, and then back again. "I changed my mind. She's perfect for you, Hidan."

=HxI=

As the sun set, Ino finished watering the last flower and yawned. She had enjoyed today: not only did she help with the geraniums but she had helped Hidan with all his other work as well. It felt good to work with nature again, without the rush and bustle of the hospital to disturb her. Of course, there was that instance of the man Hidan called "Sharkface" hitting on her but she solved that rather quickly...

Hidan was silent as he worked, occassionally interrupting the work to tell her a certain technique or tell her they were switching to another area or different task. The day passed by, and Ino had the most fun she'd had in a long time.

Hidan caught sight of her yawn and smirked. "Tired?"

"A little. I think I should be heading back now." Ino stood up, as did Hidan, and she remembered his order to drive her home. "Oh, I can make it back. Don't bother yourself."

"When Leader gives you an order, you either obey or wake up in an alleyway with no memory of what happened, no money or shoes, and sometimes a finger missing." Hidan deadpanned.

"Ah, well..."

"Besides, do you seriously think I'm gonna let a little flower-wrecking bitch like you disappear? You still have to plant those flowers when I order them." His grin made Ino sigh.

"You're a miser, you know that?" She said.

"Can't hang around that old bastard Kakuzu for too long and not have some of his money-grubbing ways rub off on you."

Ino resigned herself to her fate, smiling at her dramatic apprehension, and dusted off her gloved hands before pulling the gloves off as she walked back to the shed. Once inside she took off the boots, loosened the suspenders over her shoulders, and pulled off the overalls. She slipped her shoes on, gathered the clothes, and turned around to place them on the shelf when she bumped into something.

It took her a few seconds to distinguish what her face, shoulder, and chest were pressed against. She couldn't see very well and whatever it was smelled exactly like the shed and was warm, firm, and moved. Then she heard the heartbeat and caught the scent of deodorant -the same fragrance that graced her borrowed overalls. The something she was so close to was in fact a person, and that person was Hidan.

"I'm sorry!" Ino cried, than wondered why she was apologizing.

"Yeah, yeah. Watch where you're going." Ino listened to the infuriatingly amused voice and watched the dark shadow move across the shed. "You know that the light switch is right here?"

Light flooded the room and Ino lowered her head to let her eyes gradually adjust to the brightness.

"Didn't need in the day, couldn't see it night." She supplied, closing her eyes tight. She didn't need to see to imagine the tilted head and scrunched eyes that would accompany Hidan's gales of laughter.

"What the hell? Ah, you're one funny bitch."

Ino glowered at him until her eyebrows hurt. "Am not." She pouted.

Hidan ignored her and took off his overalls, boots, and gloves and put on his shoes and walked out the door. Ino followed as he went straight to her car. He opened the door, sat in the drivers seat, and started the engine. After he reached over to unlock the passenger door, Ino slid in and watched as he shifted gears and then planted his foot firmly on the pedal. Watching him, it was almost like he wasn't used to the tiny car -even though Ino's car was normal sized- and unfamiliar with how to handle it.

"You drive a truck or something?"

"Huh?" Hidan looked over at her, lip caught in his upper teeth, as if he had been lost in thought.

"You look like you're having trouble."

"Oh." His face relaxed as he mulled it over, gave a satisfied scoff, and grinned. "It's 'cause I raced -fucking good at it too! Street racing. I'm used to bigger, pimped-up vehicles. They called me Mr Immortal Bastard 'cause I was bastard and survived more accidents than anyone else."

Ino wondered at the shine of excitement in his eyes. Where had the calm gardener from before gone?

=HxI=

Despite his unease with the car at first, Hidan managed to get used to it fairly quick and was zooming along the streets with a maniacal grin. Ino took it relatively calmy, turned the radio so some rap song with a strong beat was providing background noise, and made conversation with him as she gave him directions. Occasionally she'd snap at him to "Slow the hell down! This is police patrol area!"

Hidan was enjoying himself. It had been awhile since he'd felt the urge to drive on the edge again, and the unfamiliar car only made the adrenaline rush more enjoyable.

"Hidan, when will the geraniums you ordered arrive?" Ino asked.

"In about two weeks. They're specially ordered because they match the building and road nicely and they'll survive almost anything... except for being run over. I'm getting them from a nursery across the country."

"Two weeks..." Ino sighed.

"Seems a long wait." Hidan said, meaning for his flowers, but also -surprisingly- meaning to see Ino again. Hidan remembered how happy she had looked working in the dirt, how her friendly silence made him so comfortable, how her slight sunburn on her nose was irrististible.

"I'm not a patient person, too." Ino complained. Hidan could only half-listen, but he still caught the sudden gasp at the end of her words and once again, the pair was silent. The each contemplated their new realizations, and being the first one to notice he had actually enjoyed the day, Hidan spoke first.

"I'm only supposed to get your address, but what if I got your phone number? I'll be getting some trees in this monday, and if you help me, we can finish early and-"

"Get something to eat. Reward our hard work with something nice?" Ino said.

=HxI=

Hidan smiled at her and Ino's heart jumped for joy. Even with her previous hesitance, she recognized she was attracted to Hidan; and no, the gentle but cursing-prone, sometimes violent but always charming gardener was nothing like Sasuke. Hidan was the type of bad boy that falls in love fast and breaks his heart, doesn't try to hide who he is or what he's thinking, and has a cheery way of looking at life. In fact, Hidan and Sasuke were exact opposites.

Ino bid Hidan goodnight, gave him her number, thanked him, and the two parted: Hidan to walk back, Ino to open the door to her apartment and sink into her bed.

Two days later, a saturday, Ino got called in to work even though it was supposed to be her day off. She groaned and put on her purple scrubs, preparing for yet another day working at a hospital that never ceased to remind her that she should by all rights be a nurse by now... Sakura was well on her way to becoming a doctor! Ino frowned as she slipped on her comfortable shoes, remembering that she was low on her funds and would have to take yet another break from earning her degree to a get a job that actually paid instead of this student work.

She remembered meeting the redheaded, piercing- covered "Leader" with Hidan and wished that it had been an interview and he had said yes, instead of him outright rejecting her and then making her pay for property damages and threatening cops. If she had a job now, even a part-time one, she could continue trying to earn her degree and still paying rent and eating and putting gas in the car. She was laid off two days before she met Hidan, and didn'r regret anything except settling for the low-paying, horrible job in the first place and having to wait until she could cash a check to drink away her worries.

Ino sighed, decided to deal with it all later, and left to go take all the grunt work of the hospital in her hands. She was lost in her job, too busy to do anything except count the hours until her lunch break, when she saw Hidan holding a bouquet arguing loudly and colorfully with someone at the nurse station.

Ino quickly tore off the blue rubber gloves, threw them in a trash can, and walked over to see he was arguing with. Her boss: Shizune. Ino groaned and plodded through the mess determinedly.

"Oh, Hidan, are you here for a patient?" She asked. "I can take it from here." She told Shizune, who looked extremely offended at being dubbed a "Bitch" by Hidan and stomped away.

"Hey Ino! Nah, everyone at Akatsuki Inc's all in good shape... unfortunately."

"Haha, so, um..."

"Don't give me that clueless face, bitch! Hell like you don't know why I'm here. You think I'm fucking patient? I like to wait? Dear Jashin, why do I put up with this shit! Just take the fucking flowers." He shoved a bundle of spindly but fragrant purple flowers in her arms. Ino recognized the round, ball-like heads and smiled.

"Globe Amaranth... and in my favorite color too." She looked up, surprised to see Hidan blushing. "How did you know? And how did you know I worked here and was working today?"

"Drove to your house, neighbor got in a fight with me for making noise, told me where you work. And it was a lucky guess: your shirt was purple and so are my eyes."

Ino laughed, breathing in the scent of the flowers once again. "You don't see these everywhere." She said.

"Nope. South American." Ino nodded as Hidan looked proud of himself.

"So, if you know that, I suppose you know what they mean?" She asked coyly. Hidan lost his triumphant look, seemed dazed, then glanced at her with clear embarassment.

"Immortal love..." He muttered. "They mean immortal love."

And, as Ino stood on her toes to kiss him, she hoped that immortal love it would be.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Geraniums mean gentleness. I cracked up when I found that detail in my research (Oh, wikipedia, how I do adore thee!) considering my first mention of them is rather eloquently surrounded by Hidan's favorite words.

Review?


	3. Psychiatric Patient and Doctor

**A/N: Okay, before I get complaints (probably won't but I'm covering my tracks) I know very little about medical procedures and stuff. I've been lucky enough to come from a family that hardly ever gets sick. I don't even know anyone who works in the medical business. So I pretty much made up everything here. Including the Insane Asylum bit. I don't even know how I came up with this.**

**...oh, yeah. I wanted to write some sad stuff. Cause I like sad stuff. So yeah...**

**Warning: No happy endings here.**

* * *

><p>Ino clutched the clipboard, her knuckles going white in fury. She closed her eyes. When she opened them, the obnoxiously pink post-it was still there.<p>

_Dear Ino-pig!_

_Heard you got a position at an asylum. Wow. Never thought Tsunade-sama would recognize your mental condition that quickly. Oh, well. Have fun with the crazies!_

_You know you love me!_

_Sakura Haruno ^.^_

Love. Sure. Ino just _loved_ billboard-brow. Yeah. Sounds about right. Ino picked up the post-it not, crumpled it up, and tossed it into the nearest trash can.

To think, Tsunade had asked her to work at an insane asylum. It was ridiculous. Extremely ridiculous. Unfortunately, Ino had no idea how to tell her boss (the head of anything and everything medical in Konoha) "No", especially when she had caught her making out just a _little_ bit with Shikamaru in the break room. When he was already engaged to Temari. And possibly/probably having a passionate affair with Shiho.

"Kami, and sometimes I think _I'm_ a slut!" Ino sarcastically grumbled under her breath. She frowned, making sure to stop muttering herself before her new boss decided that she belonged _in_ the asylum.

Konoha Asylum currently housed quite a number of patients. Ino would be working on the floor S, where it seemed the most dangerous of the patients were held. Oh, joy.

She stepped down the halls, boots clicking on the tile. Her white coat that all doctors around her wore kept her arms and torso warm, but the chilliness of the institution reached her bare legs. Maybe she should start wearing pants instead of short skirts... Nah. Even if she was surrounded by crazy people, Ino would look her best.

To her left was the first patient. Ino sighed, and opened the door to the room that housed Sasori Akasuna. He looked up from his bed, and stared at her with brown eyes. Ino couldn't remember the last time she'd seen someone with red hair and brown eyes. It was very unusual coloring.

"Hello, Sasori. I'm going to be your new doctor. Ino Yamananka, and pleased to meet you." She told him, forcing a smile.

"Where is Shizune?" Ino's smile flickered for a second.

"She, uh... she's on maternity leave."

"For how long?"

"I don't know. She might never come back."

Sasori sighed. "Shizune always knocked. Please knock." Ino faltered.

"Ah, I'm sorry. I'm always forgetting my manners. I'll remember next time. Now, do you have anything you need?"

"No."

"Okay, well, I was supposed to introduce myself to you. I hope you will pardon my intrusion. Oh, yes. You have a letter from your grandmother, Chiyo. Here it is." Ino pulled the letter off her clipboard, and handed it to Sasori. He took it from her, expressionlessly skimmed over the envelope, and set it down on the table next to his bed.

"She was supposed to send a package. Next time a package comes for me, I would appreciate it being delivered immediately."

"Yes, Sasori. I'll make sure it gets to you as soon as possible." Ino said. "I'll be leaving now, but I'll be back later to give you your medication." She would've spent a little more time talking to him, but he _did_ have a letter waiting for him. Ino quickly left and hurried into the next room.

She remembered to knock before entering, and gasped in surprise. The entire room was covered in origami. Sitting at a table, folding a sheet of paper into an elaborate rose, was a blue-haired woman. Konan Tenshi.

"Hello? Konan? I'm Ino Yamananka, your new doctor." Ino said. The woman looked up and Ino saw that she was actually very beautiful. Her eyes were light brown and she had a silver piercing below her lip. She stared at Ino, and then looked back to the half-finished rose.

"Hello." She said.

"Dr. Shizune is on leave for an indefinite amount of time, if you were wondering, but I hope I can fill in for her. Just let me know if you need anything or if I'm doing anything wrong, okay?"

She nodded but didn't look up at her. Ino felt a little annoyed at her lack of communication, but sort of relieved. So far, the patients she'd met didn't seem all that insane.

In fact, if all the others were like them, Ino was going to seriously watch how she acted around her boss. Dr. Kabuto Yakushi, who she hadn't met yet, was supposed to be very diffcult man. How he was difficult, Ino didn't know, but she was certainly not going to give a "difficult man" suspicions about her sanity.

Ino bid Konan good-bye and left, heading for the next patient. She glanced down at the clipboard and her mouth parted in shock. Itachi Uchiha? Could he be related to Sasuke in anyway? Ino quickly closed her mouth and headed for Itachi's room, almost forgetting to knock but at the last second removed her hand from the doorknob and rapped on the door.

"Come in." She heard, and quickly entered. Itachi was laying down on his bed, motionless. Ino could see that he was of average height, with long dark hair and black eyes like Sasuke. He was hot, too. Even with the dark circles and stress lines under his eyes.

"Hello, Itachi. I'm Ino Yamananka. I'm the new doctor here."

"Hn."

"I saw that your last name is Uchiha. Are you perhaps related to Sasuke Uchiha?"

"He's my little brother." Ino grinned. Maybe Sasuke would visit Itachi sometime, and then Ino could see Sasuke. Sakura's face would be green with envy!

"I thought I saw a resemblance. Let me know if you need anything, alright, Itachi?"

"Hn." Ino got up to leave, visions of Sasuke occupying her mind. She mechanically knocked on the next door, and entered, brushing away an image of Sasuke with his smirk as she prepared for meeting the next patient.

"Uh, Deidara...?" Ino called out.

"I'm here, un." Ino looked around the room to see him in the corner, almost obscured by a dresser. She walked around it and came face to face with a fellow blonde. Her clipboard said Deidara was male, but she could've sworn he was a female if she hadn't heard his deep voice. His hair was long, not as long as her own, but certainly long. He wasn't built very muscular or broad-shouldered, and his face was rather... pretty.

"Hello. My name's Ino Yamananka. I'm a new doctor here."

"Where's Shizune, un?" He asked, turning around to face a small table hidden by the dresser. Now that Ino was facing away from the dresser, she could see the table and the small pile of clay on the table.

"Do you like art?" She asked.

"Yeah! Art is great, un!" Deidara said, cheering up. "I love art. But they won't let me have the right supplies, un. They took away my matches and they won't let me have any gasoline or kerosene or petroleum or turpentine..." He proceeded to list every flammable substance Ino had ever heard of.

"I get the picture!" Ino said. He was definitely some kind of arsonist.

"Picture? No, I make explosions, un. And fire. Explosions and fire because art is fleeting, un! A moment that will remain forever imprinted in your mind, to be enjoyed briefly, and to be gone in an instant! A single flash of creativity!" He said.

"That sounds a little dangerous though..." Ino murmered.

"I usually had to have my art under control, un. But that's no fun at all. So sometimes... I forget the safety stuff. It's reccomended, anyway. Not like it's a rule or anything, un."

"Well, I have to see the other patients, Deidara, but it was definitely_ interesting _talking to you." Ino said. "I'll see you later, okay? And if you never need anything -that isn't for an explosion or fire- just ask me."

"See ya, un!"

Ino waved, and left quickly. After she got the introductions over, she was going to take a look at the patients files, instead of skimming over the front page and the info the nurse had given her when she first came in. If there was an arsonist here, she really didn't want to know what the others were like.

She walked up to the next door, and knocked before opening it.

"Hello? Kakuzu, uh, Ryo? I'm the new doctor, Ino Yamananka." Ino said. She walked into the room and saw Kakuzu sitting on his bed, with a table drawn up to it, separating money into piles and counting.

"Whatever it is they're paying you, it's not enough." He remarked.

"What do you mean?" Ino asked.

"Have you met Hidan? Or Tobi?" She shook her head. He gave a short bark of laughter and turned back to his money.

"You'll find out soon enough. Is Shizune pregnant?"

"Yes, she is on maternity leave and may quit her job to spend more time with her child."

"Ha! Pein owns me thirty bucks. And you better pray she comes back, although if she's at all sane, she won't. I bet you twenty she'll quit."

"Uh, no thanks. Who's Pein?" He stopped counting his money to look at Ino incredulously.

"You really haven't met that many people yet, have you?"

"No..." Ino said.

"Thirty bucks says you're speechless for a whole minute when you meet Zetsu." He said.

"Um, no thanks." Ino repeated. "If you need anything, just ask. I'll see you later, Kakuzu."

"Yeah, yeah." He waved his hand to dismiss her and Ino left, getting the feeling that he liked her considerably less when she didn't agree to his offers of bets.

She sighed, closed his door, and walked up to the next patient: Kisame Hoshigaki.

Ino closed the door. Well. She was a little more secure in her sanity.

Kisame was _blue_, first of all. According to the small note scribbled by his name, it seemed the blue face paint and hair-dye was due to his somehow thinking he was a shark-human hybrid.

Nagato Pein thought he was Kami.

Tobi... Tobi Uchiha (Apparently Itachi's uncle. The Uchihas definitely had some sort of hereditary brain disease or something.) was just plain crazy.

Zetsu was a schizophrenic who got in five arguments with himself in the three minutes Ino was there. He also had face paint (black and white) and green hair dye, along with yellow contacts to alter his looks. Other than that, he had been very nice and courteous. His room was filled with plants, and Ino rather liked it. She'd have to buy some potted plants for her kitchen...

Now all that was left was Hidan. Like Deidara and Zetsu, there was no last name listed. Ino walked carefully up to the room, preparing herself for what Kakuzu had placed alongside Tobi, who had tried to get her in a swordfight with the cardboard towel from paper towels.

* * *

><p>Hidan stopped pacing as a sharp knock on his door alerted him to someone approaching. He fastened his eyes on the door but continued singing.<p>

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

The door opened and Hidan saw the white coat first, and assumed it was Shizune. Inside the white coat, however, was certainly not Shizune. Shizune was rather plain, with short, choppy, dark hair and modest attire. Boring. This new arrival was anything but.

She clutched her clipboard with manicured nails, perfectly done without a single chip. Her fingers were long and slender and perfect for a doctor. Unlike Shizune who wore sensible shoes, New Doctor wore dark purple heels that made her already long legs look longer. Said legs were exposed up to halfway above the thigh, where a tight black skirt clung to her every movement and fit snugly against the small waist. A slightly puffy purple blouse dipped low at the chest, and a few buttons were even undone. Above the revealing neckline and cleavage was a long, graceful neck and a pretty face. Full, rosy lips and the biggest blue eyes Hidan had ever seen gave her an air of innocence. And she was a blonde. Her long, silvery blonde hair was pulled back into a long ponytail except for a few stray strands over one of her eyes.

"Fu... damn..." Hidan said.

"Hidan?" He nodded, frozen in his tracks.

"I'm Ino Yamananka. I'm replacing Dr. Shizune."

"For how long?" Hidan asked.

"Um, a few months... uh, she's, um..."

"She's knocked up." Hidan supplied.

"How did you...?"

"Kakuzu usually wins his bets. Damn miser."

"Uh, right... he did mention about Pein owing him something."

"Yeah, sounds right. Pein's such a sucker." Hidan snorted. "Thinks he's Kami, so he can't be wrong." Ino's face remained neutral, but Hidan could see the laughter in her eyes.

"Well, Hidan, it was nice to meet you. I'll be back later with your medication. Until then, do you need anything?"

"How about your phone number?" Hidan teased. "Kidding. Here, I want you to take a look at this pamphlet." He handed her one of his many Jashin pamphlets that he stored in his pocket, just in case he got a chance to try to convert someone.

"Um, thank you." Ino said, hesitantly taking it from him. Hidan laughed.

"Just take the fucking paper, lady. It won't bite, that's my job." He could see that laughter threatening to spill out as her mouth twitched and she quickly pressed her lips together.

"I'll look at it during lunch." She said.

"Uh, might want to do that either before or after lunch has had time to digest." Hidan quickly said. "And when your done, if you have any questions, you know where I'll be." He dismissed her with those words and began pacing again. As soon as he heard the click of her heel making for the door he went back to singing.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

* * *

><p>Ino smirked a little as she wondered at the silver-haired man. He looked to be some sort of albino... sort of. He was hot. She could tell he was muscular, and he definitely had a sense of humor. Too bad he had the mouth of a sailor... and the fact that he was in the insane asylum wasn't exactly appealing either.<p>

She curiously opened up the pamphlet and gagged.

"What... the..." A hand clamped on her shoulder. Ino jumped in her seat and slowly turned around, not daring to breathe.

A man with long, fluffy, grey hair pulled back in a ponytail and black glasses perched on his nose looked at her with dark, sinister eyes. "Hello. I don't believe we've met. Kabuto Yakushi, pleased to meet you."

He reached over and plucked the pamphlet from her hands while her mouth hung open.

"I see Hidan's up to his old tricks. Dissection according to the guidelines of the Jashinist ritual..." He tapped the pamphlet thoughtfully.

"I-I'm Ino, Dr. Yakushi. The new doctor, replacing Shizune."

Dr. Yakushi looked up from the pamphlet and regarded her with those eyes that made her shiver. Ino had a bad feeling about him.

"Oh, yes. The one appointed by Dr. Tsunade Senju. Well, well, well. Isn't our little asylum lucky? You were one of the two medical students Tsunade herself oversaw?"

"Ah... yes." Ino said, fidgeting. She wasn't sure what to say to her new boss, who has spoken Tsunade's name with such vehemence.

"I was trained under her colleague, Dr. Orochimaru Hebi-Kyodaija. Granted, a lot of the work we did was experimental. But together we made several medical breakthroughs."

"Dr. Hebi-Kyodaija is highly respected. It must have been a privilige to not only be taught by him but to work alongside him." Ino said neutrally.

"Hmm." Dr. Yakushi hummed. "Well, unless your fond of seeing the insides of the human body, I suggest not taking another of Hidan's religious pamphlets anytime soon."

"Thank you, Dr. Yakushi." Ino said.

"I will see you later, Dr. Yamananka." Dr. Yakushi waved, and Ino's stomach finally settled a bit. She didn't like him. He wasn't bad looking, or obviously creepy, but there was something about his smile. It didn't quite reach his eyes. He was... decieving. She was sure of it.

"I hate my job..." Ino muttered.

* * *

><p>Hidan had never been so happy to be insane. Never. Not even when he was performing his rituals in worship to Jashin. Of course, he couldn't do that now. He was on some sedative that made sure he didn't have the energy for violence.<p>

Still, he was often called away into a padded room and usually spent half the week in a straightjacket. However, with the newly hired doctor, Hidan was sure that was about to change.

She came in to give him his medicine and a check up. Hidan smirked. He worked out regularly, when the drugs wore off. It was a way to release the violent energy without doing something that would land him in a padded cell for good and it was a habit. He liked to be the strongest and look good. Plus, it was always good for impressing doctors with how fit he was.

She administired the medicine, then turned around.

"Um, I am going to be giving you a physical." She picked up her clipboard and turned back around.

Hidan was smirking from how his mind could make those words sound dirty. "Sure. You can give me a physical anytime you want." He said, laughing as she blushed.

"I mean an examination!" She cried.

"Relax, honey." He said. "I'm just joking."

Ino walked over, about to place her stethoscope against his chest, when she stopped and smiled, as if she had caught herself doing something stupid. She took the cold metal in her hands and warmed it up, eyebrows bent in concentration. Hidan was touched by the concern.

"There we go. Now breathe in an out, slowly, please." He obeyed, as she listened and then felt with her fingers to make sure there was no problem.

"You know, you're quite the troublesome patient." She said. "Your medications are the type with the side effects I need to worry about. So far you're doing great. I'm not feeling any issues with your muscles or any swelling and your breathing is clear and even. Your pulse is fine." She placed her hands on his shoulders, and turned him around, and felt the muscles in his back.

"How about back there?" Hidan asked. Shizune had done all of the stuff Ino was doing so far, but this was new.

"This isn't actually part of the required examination. It's just part of my own skill set. I'm checking to see if there are any muscles that are sore or tense and I'll tell you if you're doing anything like sleeping in a bad position." That explained it.

Ino finally stopped and stepped a few feet away. "Wow. You're taking good care of yourself. Keep it up, okay?" She was about to go when she turned around. Hidan stopped, in the middle of fidgeting with his shirt and pulling his sleeve down, and looked over at her as her eyes narrowed.

"What?" He asked.

"Stop." She said. She crossed the few feet between them and caught his arm in her hands, pulling the sleeve back up. She turned it over, revealing the pale inside of his wrist, and gasped.

Gently, she traced the pale criss-crossing scars with a single manicured fingertip. Hidan shivered at her touch, but she didn't notice. Carefully, she finished tracing the scar -one out of what must have been twenty- and seized his other arm, where she repeated the process.

"Hidan. What is this?" She asked.

"It's part of the rituals for my religion. Didn't you read the pamphlets I gave you?" Hidan asked.

"I... how could you be part of something that requires this type of self mutilation?"

Wordlessly, Hidan closed his own hand over the one that lingered over his arm, pulling it off. She let it drop to her sides as he pulled his sleeves back down.

"I'm crazy, remember?" He said, plopping onto his bed and smiling at her.

"Yeah." Ino whispered.

* * *

><p>Three months later, Ino hurried into Hidan's room, frantically searching for the silver-haired man.<p>

"I told you to restrain him!" Shouted Dr. Yakushi. He still gave Ino the creeps.

"Yessir!" Barked the man in blue scrubs beside him. He joined two other identically dressed men who were fighting to keep Hidan down.

"What's going on?" Ino asked Dr. Yakushi.

Abruptly, Hidan stopped thrashing and the maniacal grin on his face dropped.

"Ino?" He questioned. The room was quiet but for the heavy breathing of the three holding him down.

"Hidan, what's-"

"Ino, I don't know. I just don't know. The fuckin' medicine. It's... it's... my head!" He screamed in agony and started thrashing again. Ino watched in pity as his scream melded into laughter. Wild, crazy laughter.

"Dr. Yamananka, what you are seeing is the side effect of one of Hidan's medications. Some months he's fine, some months he's completely changed." Dr. Yakushi said, pushing his glasses back up with his finger, his other hand holding a clipboard.

"Why not give him some other medication, then?" Ino asked.

"He's specified that he prefers this kind. The others bother him almost daily with annoyances like naseau and headaches and put him in a bad mood. Whenever we attempt to change medicines, he's in a straightjacket for days on end and his behavior deteriorates. The side effects that only strike occasionally but have a more... phenonemal side to them seem to be preferable."

"I think I understand." Ino said. Hidan was the type who didn't want to be influenced by anything, including medication. The only influence he seemed to accept was that of Jashin. He would want a medicine that wouldn't interfere, or at the very least, one that wouldn't interfere often.

Ino watched as Dr. Yakushi pulled a syringe out of his pocket and carefully shot a clear liquid into Hidan's arms. Slowly, Hidan stopped thrashing and his scream died down into moans. His eyes glazed over as he stared into space.

"A sedative." Dr. Yakushi announced. "I'll make sure you have one on hand at all times, Dr. Yamananka. It's the only one we can use when Hidan gets like this."

"Thank you, Dr. Yakushi." Ino said, watching Hidan's eyes close and a soft snore escape.

* * *

><p>Hidan fingered the package lightly.<p>

"You sure it's for me?" He asked.

"Um... yes." Ino said. "Look, it says 'Hidan' right there." She pointed to the address.

"Oh. Right." Hidan stared at the package.

"I can leave if-"

"No." Hidan grasped her wrist, gently pulling her back to the seat she so hastily jumped out of. Her wrist felt small, delicate and so, so fragile in his hands. "No. Stay." Ino obeyed, and took her seat.

"What do you think it is?" She asked, cautiously.

"Not sure." Hidan said, making no move to open it. A minute passed, and finally, Hidan picked it up and peeled the ducktape off the cardboard box. Brown paper fuzz clung to the tape.

He opened up the flaps, and picked up the pile of bubblewrap. The plastic distorted whatever lay beneath it and Hidan could only see that it was silver. And hard, as he rubbed it between his fingers.

He peeled the bubblewrap apart, and emptied it's contents onto the table. Out fell a silver rosary with a clunk.

"Is that...?"

Hidan didn't look up at Ino, eyes transfixed on the rosary. "Yeah. It's a rosary. This is the symbol of Jashin." He picked up the rosary by the chain and the pendant dangled and turned slowly in a circle, hung in the air. Hidan's breath caught as he saw the beauty of Ino reflected in the silver of the rosary.

"Ino would you... would you wear this? Just for a second?" He asked.

"I... I guess." She said, slowly. She took the rosary from his outstretched hand and with her row furrowed in confusion, she placed it around her neck.

Hidan smiled. The silver was catching the gold of her tan, the blue of her eyes, and the soft yellow of her hair perfectly. She was a little wide-eyed at his staring, her pale pink lips parted in the picture of innocence. Even her hair, let loose from it's usual ponytail and flowing and draping around her was something he hadn't expected to see. It completed the picture.

Hidan stood up, leaned over the table, and took her hands in his own, cradling the smaller, daintier fingers in his calloused palms. He looked straight in her eyes.

"Ino..." He whispered.

"Hidan." She said, just as softly. He could see the questions in her eyes.

He was seconds away from kissing her, when he saw the flash of her ID clipped on her labcoat, marking her as a doctor. Marking her as his caretaker. Marking her untouchable.

"...Thank you..." He said, drawing back.

He settled in his seat as the expected flash of relief crossed her features, and -dare he believe it?- disappointment.

* * *

><p>Ino quickly hurried to the last room. Hidan. Her last patient for the day.<p>

She forgot to knock in her rush. She was running late, and she wouldn't have time to get a shower and let her hair dry before her date if this kept up. She flew into the room, and the door swung open and with a thump -as if it had hit something softer than the wall- bounced back.

"Ooh... that hurt like fuck." She heard a moan, and spun around.

"Hidan!" She yelped.

"Ino?" He pushed away the door and she saw him clutch at his leg, where the very edge must have hit. "You're lucky I was turned a little to the right." He said. Ino got his meaning and blushed.

"I'm so sorry! I-"

"What's the rush?" He asked.

"I've got a date." Ino said, glancing at her watch. "And I'm running late. Could we hurry up?"

Hidan nodded and took his customary seat on his bed. "A date? With who?"

Ino pulled out her stethoscope, and listened carefully as he breathed in and out. "An artist. I met him on a blind date that my friend, Sakura, dragged me to. He's really handsome, and he called me beautiful." Ino said.

"An artist... If he's anything like Deidara..." Hidan didn't need to elaborate. The same image of a date gone up in flames was supplied by their imaginations. Ino shuddered involuntarily.

"No, he draws these weird animal things. It's very stylized. I'm not sure if I like it; they look kind of scary."

"So he called you beautiful, huh? Clearly an understatement. You might have to buy this guy a dictionary or a thesaurus." Ino blushed once again.

"How's your leg?" She changed the subject.

"I'm sure it would feel better if you came and sat on my lap." Hidan joked, tilting his head and raising his eyebrows, smirking as she laughed.

"Well, seeing as how I'm running late I think you'll just have to make do with an icepack and some Arnica Gel or something so you don't get a bruise." Ino responded to his flirting.

"So cold! You wound my fucking heart, Ino."

"I thought I wounded your leg."

"That too. But mostly my heart." Ino finished up, smiling and laughing with Hidan, before she left and went home.

She got ready for her date, picked up by Sai, and went with him to the movies and out for dinner. It was only when she got home that she realized she'd enjoyed her brief ten minutes of banter with Hidan more than her date.

* * *

><p>Hidan sighed. He hated Christmas. Everyone was always happier, and it drove him mad. Pein would still rant about his being Kami and that he should have all the attention, but he would do so quieter. Sasori would construct a tree out of cardboard or something, and Konan would make origami decorations for the tree and the rooms on floor S. Deidara actually managed to get along with Tobi... and by that Hidan meant that Deidara stopped trying to set Tobi on fire and Tobi would stop pulling pranks on his "senpai". Itachi would start smiling, and it was creepy beyond belief. Kisame would try to get everyone singing Christmas carols and Zetsu would inevitably get in an argument with himself over which one to sing.<p>

Kakuzu, at least, remained the same. Hidan was half-convinced that he was a descendant of the Grinch, and the only time the Jashinist would join in the celebrations was to sing "Mr Grinch" with Tobi and annoy Kakuzu. Other than that, he was with Kakuzu on the whole thing. Christmas was a waste of time.

Hidan sighed once again and leaned back on his bed, just as Ino knocked on the door.

"Come in." He mumbled.

"Hidan? You have mail. I brought it with me... and a present." Ino said. Hidan heard the noise of her organizing his medicines.

"A present?" He asked.

"Yeah. I hope you like it more than Deidara liked his. I think he honestly expected me to sneak him some matches."

"Ha..." Hidan said, finally getting up to look at her.

As usual, she was breathtaking. Some of her hair was pulled back, just a little, and the usual section escaped to cover her eye. She was wearing her usual white coat, but beneath that Hidan found himself looking at the oddest thing he'd ever seen her wear... and she'd come dressed in a lot of things that although Hidan certainly liked, he wasn't sure fit into the category of "proffessional office clothes".

She was wearing a green shirt with black lettering that read "Naughty or Nice" with a red circle around "Naughty" underneath a black button up that was unbuttoned to reveal the lettered shirt. Her pencil skirt was a darker green, and under that she had on tights that were striped red and white like a candy cane. As usual, she wore shoes with huge heels, and these were a common black, but with a plastic holly decoration on the toe.

"Someone's in the Holiday Spirit." Hidan dryly commented. "Nice outfit." Ino smiled.

"Thanks! Tomorrow I'm thinking I'll come in with reindeer antlers and a light-up nose. The day after that all green and with an elf hat and ears. And those shoes with the bells. I also have a halo headband... so I'll come in as an angel, too. But I'm saving the best for last!"

"And what would that be?" Hidan asked, not really interested.

"I have one of those Mrs Claus dresses. And the hat. I love the hats." Ino said. "It looks great."

Hidan pictured it in his mind. Ino, with her hair flowing around her, dressed in a short red dress with white trim and a strapless, sweetheart neckline. Elbow-length gloves would cover those long fingers and she would wear a cheery Santa hat and short little boots. He blushed as the Ino in his mind winked saucily.

"Yeah... that sounds great." He said.

"I know! Ahh! I can't wait! I love christmas!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "So, open your present. It's from me, of course."

"Don't know anyone else who would have _fairy_ wrapping paper." Hidan said, poking the present experimentally.

"Yes, well, it was limited edition." Ino huffed. "Just open it!"

"Okay, okay. Calm your-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence! I'll take away the present!"

"...horses." Hidan finished, grinning at her.

"Wha...?" She spluttered.

"Horses. Why, what did you think I was gonna say?" He feigned innocence. "Oh! _Ino_! Get your head out of the gutter... why, I never..."

Ino's face scrunched up in anger. Hidan chanted a chorus of "_Cute! Cute! Cute!_" in his head, smirking as he watched her struggle not to yell at him.

"Well, fine. And it's '_hold_ your horses!'." Ino said, snatching away the present.

"What? No, that's mine! Give it back!" Hidan shouted.

"Nope. You never even opened it. I'm taking it back."

"Ah, fine, okay? I'm... sorry." Hidan muttered. He really wanted that present!

"Did the great Hidan just say he was _sorry_?" Ino asked, mouth wide, but a sparkle in her eyes. Hidan got the feeling that she was planning this... somehow.

"Did Dr. Ino just call me great?" He teased. "Yeah, I said I was fucking sorry. Don't count on it happening again."

"I won't. Here ya go!" Ino tossed him the present and Hidan caught it, and finally opened it up.

"Whoa..." He murmered, stroking it.

"You like it?" Ino asked. "I'm glad. Took me forever to find."

"I love it." Hidan said, truthfully. It was a bright red hoodie with the symbol for Jashin in silver on the front. "I'll wear it everyday."

Ino laughed, hitting him on the shoulder. "Silly! You'll need to wash it _sometime._"

* * *

><p>Ino smiled as she woke up. It was Valentine's Day, and she had a date with Sai. He was going to surprise her... with what she didn't know.<p>

She got ready for work, at breakfast, brushed her teeth, and left. She let her hair down today, and wore a pink, ruffly dress and used sparkly make-up. When she pulled into the parking lot, she looked into the mirror, and gave a flirty wink and blew a kiss to her reflection.

Even though she knew she looked fantastic, Ino certainly didn't expect to have Zetsu, of all people, hit on her. She was used to Hidan's teasing, Deidara's occasional pervy moment, and Tobi's hug-filled greetings, but flirtations from two different personalities in the same body was... not exactly what Ino had expected.

She left and headed to Hidan's room. He was the last she would have to check up on, and he was her favorite. He might swear a lot and make perverted comments but he always made her smile. Ino often found herself doing odd jobs she would normally leave to the nurses and orderlies just to spend a little more time with him. But that was nothing new. Ever since she came to work at the asylum, the nurses and orderlies had remarked that she certainly pulled her own weight along with half of their own. Ino would only smile, and continue on her way to a patient's room. She might have carried a few habits from her times working as med-student, but it wasn't like the workload at the asylum was overbearing or anything. She had little enough to do as a doctor, and didn't mind taking on a few extra tasks to keep her busy.

She knocked, let herself in, and smiled as she searched the room for Hidan.

"Ino? C'mere!" Hidan called in a panicked voice. Ino followed the voice to the bathroom, where he was standing on the toilet, clothed in a towel and a still wet from his shower. He was holding the ceiling up anxiously, as the huge piece of whatever it was sloped downwards, revealing rafters.

"The damn ceiling's collapsing!" He cried.

"Whoa! Stay right there, Hidan!" She quickly shucked off her stilettos and ran screaming for help.

As soon as help arrived, Hidan let them have the ceiling and quickly adjusted his slowly sliding towel. Ino, who had been deep in though realized she was staring at him and blushed.

"Dr. Yamananka, the handy-man is on his way. May we suggest taking Hidan to another room?" Said one of them men holding up the ceiling.

"Uh, sure." Ino said. "Follow me, Hidan."

He followed her, and they came to the door of a room that Shizune had used when doing full examinations. Ino had used it only once. She opened it, turned around to let Hidan in first, and cringed.

"Oh, Hidan, I'm so sorry." Ino said.

"Huh?" He asked.

"I forgot to let you change before we left."

"Nah, I'm fine." Hidan said casually, waving his hand through the air. "It's not cold."

Ino nodded and turned around, preparing a syringe with a shot she was supposed to give Hidan once a week. She quickly gave him the shot, and went through her usual check up. Because of the medications Hidan was on, he had to have a check up everyday.

"Alright. I think we're done." Ino said once she finished. He got up to leave, but something caught Ino's eye. "Hidan, wait." She said, setting aside the empty syringe.

"Yeah?" He turned around and saw Ino's face. "What?"

She didn't answer, but kept her eyes on his back and shoulders. Long, white scars were there, unrevealed before but now with just a towel wrapped around him, Ino could see and shiver in horror. They crossed his back, markings of a whipping, or something like that.

"Those scars on your back..."

"Like I said, it's part of a ritual." Hidan said.

"I... I... Hidan, it's hard to look at that." She stumbled over her words.

"Then don't look."

"Hidan!" She scolded. "I'm just concerned, alright?"

"I get it. But I didn't fucking ask for your concern, okay?" Hidan shouted. "Are you done?"

Ino angrily stood up. "Fine then. I'm done." She turned away to lead him back to his room but he caught her arm, stopping her from leaving. She refused to look back at him.

She heard him growl, and he started walking back, holding her closer to him. "You're so annoying." He sneered.

She tried to yank her arm away. "Well I'm sorry, Hidan!"

"See what I mean? Gah..." He ran his free hand through his hair, hauling her into his room. He let go and headed for the small table by his bed, almost knocking over the lamp that sat on it and rifled through the drawer. He pulled out something red, and walked over to Ino, who was frozen and watching him.

"This is for you." He said. "Just take it." He thrust it into her hands, places his hands on her shoulder, and lightly herded her out of the room. He closed the door and Ino could hear him stomping around and screaming at the man doing repairs to his bathroom ceiling.

Ino opened her hand, and looked at the slightly crumpled piece of paper. It was a red piece of paper cut in the silhouette of a heart -no, not the common shape, the actual shape of the organ- and some writing on it.

_Ino:_

_Had to make fucking valentines in arts & crafts. Deidara almost blew up the room but someone caught him, unfortunately. Didn't know who else to give this to. So... um... be mine?_

_-Hidan_

_P.S._

_Blood is red, your eyes are blue, Yakushi's a creep, so can I screw you?_

_P.P.S. (or is it P.S.S.?)_

_You should have seen the face of the supervisor when she saw the poem I wrote!_

Ino started laughing. A passing nurse gave her an odd look but Ino couldn't help it.

"Oh, Hidan..." She murmered, trying to suppress her giggles.

* * *

><p>Hidan's heart beat faster as the usual knock sounded. Today was the day. He had decided as he was eating breakfast. Today was the day.<p>

"Hello?" He heard someone call out. Someone. Not Ino.

"Who is it?" He called. Maybe it was one of the nurses.

"I'm Dr. Hana Inuzuka. I'll be replacing Dr. Yamananka."

A tall, strict looking woman approached. Her brown hair was pulled back in a tight, low ponytail, from which a few strands escaped and framed her forehead. Hidan recalled Ino's high ponytail that matched her bubbly and cheery personality. She dressed in boring, practical clothes. Ino always looked her best, even if she was just working at an insane asylum. This new doctor was wearing pants. Hidan couldn't recall Ino ever wearing anything but skirts and dresses.

"What happened to Ino?" He asked. The new doctor stared straight at him with dark, narrowed eyes.

"Dr. Yamananka?" She asked, cooly. She was like the exact opposite of Ino.

"Yeah, that's her name. Where the hell is she?"

"Dr. Yamananka is on her honeymoon." The new doctor said.

"Ino's... Ino's... no way!" Hidan shouted. "She can't be married! She never said anything!"

"I've heard she eloped, but it isn't really my business." The new doctor remarked, as if this was nothing to be concerned about, as she fiddled around with Hidan's medications.

"Who'd she..." It must have been the artist Ino had been dating. Ino had said a few things about him, but never said that they were this close.

"I don't know. Please roll up your sleeve." The new doctor instructed. Hidan wordlessly obeyed.

"Today was the day I was going to tell her I was in love with her." Hidan said.

"Then it's good she left. Doctor/patient relationships aren't-"

"I know, I know." Hidan cut her off. He sighed. He would pray to Jashin tonight, pray for Ino and her marriage. Pray that she would have a good life, with her new husband, and that she would be happy.

That evening, a new scar found itself on Hidan's arm. He doubted the new doctor would notice. His rosary no longer shone as bright as the blood dried brown on it. Hidan muttered his prayers, kneeling, then walked over to his bed and collapsed in it.

* * *

><p>Sai was sleeping. Ino watched him as he smiled, even in his sleep. In the dark of the night, moonlight from the window lit up her silvery blonde hair and shone on Sai's alabaster skin. It twinkled and sparkled, illuminating the metallic rainbow in the tiny drop of saltwater, the crystal light of the tear that glided down her face, leaving behind a trail of tell-tale sorrow. The single tear found it's way to her lips, into her mouth, and dissolved on her tongue. It tasted of love and regret, heartbreak and longing.<p>

She had never realized before how much she wished Hidan was the one that woke up, looked at her silently crying, and wrapped his arms around her to comfort her, kissing her sweetly and coaxing her to sleep.

And now it was too late.

* * *

><p><strong><span>AN: So, I apologize for rushing the end. As for the names, Sasori got Akasuna (red sand? I dunno), Konan got Tenshi (angel?), Kakuzu got Ryo (the currency in the Naruto world), and Nagato with Pein and Tobi with Uchiha are easy enough to understand.**

**No spell check so forgive any typos/mistakes. I did read over it though.**

**Some Hidan OOC, particurally towards the end.**

**Also, I feel bad for not giving Sai any lines. Oh well. He has his own story from me anyways. (SHAMELESS SELF ADVERTISING, HURRAH!) If you wanna read it, it's called Sai's Adventure, and will be updated randomly when I actually have time and inspiration to write.**

**...**

**REVIEWS ARE AMAZING! (It's also nice to see if others are into HidaIno.) So if you want to be AMAZING, all you have to do is REVIEW!**


	4. He and She

_A/N: I feel like I haven't updated in a while... probably because I had like five things to post and then my computer just... died. __May it RIP._

_Although I was originally going to post a Harry Potter crossover two-shot, since my computer decided to take most of my fics down with it, I had to post this odd piece instead. Let me know what you think about the style._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, blah blah blah. More importantly, if I don't get my NaruHina ending, Kishimoto, I swear I'll convert to Rowling's fanbase! *flails arm in more-clumsy-than-threatening manner*_

* * *

><p>Day 1<p>

He notices her. She is beautiful, smart, and confident.

She is bright in his dull world.

Day 2

She stops to buy coffee after work. She smiles at the employee behind the counter, lighting up the cafe. He hates those places, decorated in neutral tones with the occasional bright color, offering a fake coziness to the multitudes.

He continues on his way, stepping out of the awning before someone notices him standing behind the huge windows.

She walks out, unfolding a purple umbrella, while juggling her keys and her coffee.

Day 3

He is reading the newspaper when she walks past again. He wonders why she is in this job. He thinks she would be more suited to something bright and cheerful.

A voice in his head tells him he just doesn't like the thought of her spending her days trying to see things from the criminals' eyes.

Day 4

Detective Uzumaki introduces them. Pale blue eyes flit up to his briefly, before moving on to the next person. The graveyard shift worker's meeting is over, and she leaves with Uzumaki following her. Uzumaki will shadow her for the day, taking her under his wing, because the detective is the type of person that just does that when he sees a new victim to inflict his cheery grins and hyperactivity on.

She doesn't react like most. She remains calm most of the time but when Uzumaki begins to get annoying she matches his loudness.

He shakes his head and follows Kakuzu down to their office.

Day 5

She notices him when he walks into the break room with blood on his hands.

He smirks when she rolls her eyes at him.

Day 6

He is reprimanded for his language -again- and she overhears it. She calls the Old Man a prick, and winks. He expounds on that.

She decisively names him a silver-haired idiot and leaves, laughing at his "fuck you!".

Indignation is only one of his feelings.

Day 7

He is covered in blood again. Everyone but Kakuzu assumes he is sadistic -which he might be, just a little. Kakuzu knows he is actually very clumsy. She just tells him that red isn't his color.

He tells her to piss off.

She hits him on the arm and saunters off, flipping her hair. It swings in his face and stings.

Perhaps he is also masochistic.

Day 8

They catch a criminal who she successfully profiled. It's her first since she was transferred from the ANBU agency -where her father apparently works. Uzumaki calls for a party. Thankfully, Uchiha Junior drags Uzumaki off before the idiot opens his mouth again.

She goes back to work, on a file detailing a serial murderer.

He sips his coffee and wonders if she is blushing from Uzumaki's exuberance or his not-so-discrete scrutiny.

Day 9

Kakuzu confronts him. He ignores the jerk and focuses on successfully delivering a sample of blood to the lab for testing. Asking her to go out for drinks is completely crazy. Kakuzu is insane.

She is there, casually flirting with Uchiha Junior, who looks uncomfortable, in front of the only pink-haired scientist he's ever met. Haruno eventually gets mad enough to shout at her, and she grins in triumph.

He steps backward in shock, before a smirk steadily takes over.

Day 10

She is upset about something.

He snickers as he passes her, because she is stomping as she walks.

Day 11

He decides to do something about her.

She is flirting with Uchiha Junior in front of Haruno again.

He turns around and goes back to the darkness of the morgue.

Day 12

She pops in to ask about the theory behind the weapon used on their newest victim. Kakuzu answers because he is too busy marvelling at the way she lights up the room.

She glances over and asks for his name.

He gives it.

She smiles.

He faints.

Day 13

At the hospital they tell him he breathed in fumes from a chemical he was using. Kakuzu punches him for not wearing a mask. His personal thoughts are screw protocol. He spends the day bored, until there's a knock on the door.

She is there, and hands him a bright yellow balloon with a smiley face drawn on it.

Day 14

He gives her a blue balloon and tells her to pop it.

There is a ticket for a new movie in it.

She blushes.

Day 15

Uchiha Junior and Haruno pass her. She doesn't do anything but lightly trace the rim of the pot of flowers on her desk and smirk.

He wonders if he should have given her chocolates, too.

Day 16

Haruno cuts her hair.

She is upset all day.

He feels like he's coming down with the flu and cusses more than usual.

Day 17

He's sick.

She's sick of Haruno's attitude and punches her.

Day 18

He feels like fecal matter.

Haruno ambushes her and lands a punch in.

Day 19

He's better already.

She proves a point.

Day 20

He comes back, wishing he'd gone to the doctor just so he'd know the name of the strange bug he caught.

Her hair is cut short. She twirls it nervously and flushes as she looks at him.

He thinks it looks hot.

Day 21

Haruno stares at the mark on her neck.

He grins and heads back to the paperwork.

Day 22

Uchiha Junior leaves to join a special government agency. Uzumaki and Haruno mope around all day.

He implies they had relationship problems.

She laughs and tells him she's sure it involved the stick shoved up Uchiha's ass.

Day 23

She asks about his family as they eat lunch together.

She holds his hand comfortingly when he shakes his head.

Day 24

She makes mac and cheese for dinner. They drink red wine at his house as they watch hockey together.

He wonders if it's too soon to be looking at rings.

Day 25

Kakuzu says it's too soon to be looking at rings. Kakuzu also tells him to shut up about his personal life and finish the autopsy.

Day 26

She reveals to him that her flirting isn't all bark and no bite.

He spends an hour looking at rings.

Day 27

Hypothetically speaking, she wants to be proposed to under the stars, so he invites her over to make dinner again at his place.

She wants him at her place instead.

She has a roommate with pink hair.

He goes home with the ring still in his pocket.

Day 28

This time, after praying to Jashin for luck, he takes her on a walk.

She says yes.

The ring is a size too big so she slips it on her middle finger, before kissing him. They walk back to his place hand-in-hand.

Day 29

Haruno won't shut up.

She gives her the one-fingered salute.

Haruno shuts up.

Day 30

He wants to elope. She wants a big wedding.

They settle for a big wedding.

Kakuzu tells him he's whipped, and no matter how much he swears at the jerk he knows Kakuzu is right.

Day 31

He realizes he's only known her for a month.

She appears in the doorway of his living room in an oversized hockey pullover, holding two bottles of beer with her sunshine hair framing her cheerful face.

He decides it doesn't matter.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Okay, for the people who missed the summary: the unnamed male is Hidan, and the unnamed female is Ino. For the slightly confused: Ino is a criminal profiler, Hidan and Kakuzu are medical examiners/coroners, Sasuke and Naruto are detectives, and Sakura is a forensic scientist (fingerprints, DNA analysis, ballistics, etc...). Don't ask why Hidan and Ino like hockey, because that was beyond random on my part._

_Plans for future updates: because of my computer dying, I'm not sure when I'll next update this particular fic. As for my other fics, Sai's Adventure _may_ be taken off of hiatus, my new modern AU series might have a new KibaIno fic soon, and a multi-chapter featuring Akatsuki as cops is in the works._

_I appreciate every form of feedback, whether alerts or favorites or reviews, but being able to read your thoughts are what truly make writing fanfiction such a joy to me._


	5. Professor and TranslatorAssistant

**A/N: Man, I fail at updating. Eh, here's part one of what might be a two-shot. It's actually a Harry Potter/Naruto crossover (very AU) and I will probably be continuing it because combining the two worlds is rather interesting and a lot of what I wanted to mention couldn't be covered. There's very little HidaIno moments... however, I _do_ plan on continuing this, so yeah. Apologies if I terribly butchered something. I'm an American, so remembering to write biscuits instead of cookies is not my natural way of writing.**

**Notes: Italics are Japanese. Apologies for Hidan's accent... it was just too fun to pass up! Bottom A/N has a lot on my thoughts while writing this. Please read if you are interested on why I chose to do this and that.**

**That being said, I don't know when I can update next... but it will probably be a while, if my current trend continues. Enjoy!**

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Everything in order, Hidan leaned back in his chair, smirking as he let a feeling of satisfaction settle in. His classroom was done just the way he wanted it, and he couldn't wait to see the look on the children's' faces when they walked in next Monday morning. And now he had the rest of the week and the weekend to relax before the group of young wizards and witches would come trooping in, eager to learn how to defend themselves against dark magic.

How Hidan, of all people, landed the DADA post was quite a complicated story. To start with, those who asked had to be made to understand that Japan was not like England. Muggle Japan and Wizarding Japan were so heavily warded that they were shaped different. The schools for magic for Japan were hidden very effectively using magic that was much older than the kind used in England. Schools of witchcraft and wizardry in Japan were also very competitive. Based on what region you were born in, you would attend one of the five main magical schools. Then there was Akatsuki Boarding School of Magic, where Hidan had completed his education. A school that was rumored to be located in another dimension, that only accepted those who weren't afraid to learn the dark arts, that housed many students from all over the country, Akatsuki was by far the best school in Hidan's opinion.

The school's headmaster, Nagato, commonly called Pein, was very interested in uniting the schools together to end the division and rivalry that threatened to break out in a war between the schools. He would end all that, by force, if necessary. But he had gone out for drinks with one of the Konoha wizards (one that made it quite clear to everyone he met that he would be Headmaster one day), commiserated over the tragic orphan pasts, and came back with a shaky alliance with Konoha based on mutual cooperation instead of force. As of now, the alliance with the other four magical schools was being negotiated, and Pein had seen fit to send Hidan (along with several other wizards and witches with less than squeaky clean pasts) out of the country "to work on international relations, which have been very neglected these last centuries".

So Hidan had been sent to England, to teach at Hogwarts. He'd been completely lost in the Ministry of Magic, speaking about three words of Engrish, and was unceremoniously dumped on Hogwarts' doorstep by a man in a lime-green hat who couldn't find a use for Hidan. Dumberdore (every time Hidan said his name, someone would giggle, but he couldn't figure out why) very kindly offered Hidan the teaching post, seeing as how everyone thought it was cursed or something like that. Hidan paid them no attention. He knew Jashin-sama would protect him.

Dumberdore also sent an owl to Japan, requesting a translator for Hidan. One from Konoha, a witch or so the scroll they got in reply said, would be there right before Hidan's first day of school. Hidan could really care less, unless the witch would teach him how to swear in Engrish (Deidara had known and said he would teach him but tricked him and Hidan found out he had been saying he needed mental help [a witch by the name of Minerva had been so kind to tell him] every time he meant to swear. He would get revenge on that blonde!)

Now, Hidan had managed to learn a fair amount of words in Engrish and was spending quite a lot of time with each of the teachers, trying to find one most likely to swear so he could pick up the words most often repeated from them. He had tried with Minerva but she was too stern, he knew Dumberdore was too fixed on manners to ever swear, and the grumpiest person he could find (one that was always storming around the halls, making his clothes wave in the air like wings on a bat) was the most silent angry person Hidan had ever met. Itachi would get along great with him.

Hidan smirked again as he eyed the classroom, and closed his eyes, about to slip off into a lovely dream when his chair tipped and he fell over backwards with a crash.

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Her long, blonde hair tied up out of her way, Ino quickly pulled on her shirt and slipped a cloak over it. Her teeth dug into her lip as she wrestled with her shoes. She was late, and she was going to hear it from Tsunade-sama.

She frowned and finished with her shoes, heading straight out the door where she shunshined to the nearest point she could without the barriers blocking her, which happened to be a mile from Konoha Academy of Magical Arts. Ino broke into a run as soon as she arrived, and broke across the barriers. She could feel the magic tingling as it tested her and allowed her to pass.

Ino ran into the school, through the hallways and into Tsunade's office, where she saw no one. Ino sighed in relief and slumped into the nearest chair, trying to catch her breath as she felt around to make sure no eyebrows were missing from shunshining while she was feeling rushed. Sadly, it seemed she was missing half of her left eyebrow, but that was nothing a little Hair-Replenishing Cream couldn't fix, and she could always wear her bangs down to cover that eye.

The door banged and Ino jumped up. Tsunade-sama rounded the corner, talking with someone Ino couldn't see.

"_Tsunade-sama,_" she murmured, to alert her mentor to her presence.

"_Ino?_" she heard, and gasped delightedly.

"_Naruto!_" she cried, smiling wide and enveloping Naruto in a hug.

The two were former classmates and although Ino was a pureblood and expected to mingle with purebloods like herself in their society, she'd always felt a fondness for her fellow blonde that shared her warm and welcoming personality. Although the two hadn't spoken often when they were younger, as an adult Ino was free to make her own choices and she was friends with whoever she liked: the almost-a-squib-blood-traitor Hyuuga Hinata, the mudblood-actually-half-blood Uzumaki-Namikaze Naruto, the mannerless-pureblood-bordering-on-blood-traitor Inuzuka Kiba, and mudblood-but-talented Haruno Sakura. Hinata she had helped out quite a lot in school, when she was free of Shikamaru and Chouji who were also forced by their parents to befriend Ino. She had to wait until she was an adult to befriend Naruto, but by then his relation to Namikaze Minato was revealed and no one cared about his blood anymore anyway. Kiba was one of Naruto's best friends and Ino went on a few dates with him before they both agreed they were better as friends. Sakura was the only one Ino had befriended before school.

The girls did everything together, much to Ino's father's disapproval. Even at a young age, Ino rebelled and she spent as much time with Sakura as possible, teaching her about the magical world. However, when they started school, they both developed crush on the same guy. Uchiha Sasuke was everything Ino had ever dreamed of, and he was a member of one of the oldest pureblood families in Japan, so her father would approve of him. Sakura was the one who was placed on his three-man-cell for more individual learning, though, while Ino was placed with Shikamaru and Chouji. Sakura had ended their friendship when they were placed, and it was only after the two began apprenticeship under Tsunade-sama that they were able to become friends again.

"_Yamananka, Uzumaki, if you are quite finished,_" said Tsunade-sama impatiently.

"_Sorry, Tsunade-sama, I just haven't seen Naruto since before the alliance with Akatsuki._"

"_Baa-chan! Ino doesn't know yet, can I tell her?_" Naruto jumped up and down.

"_Tell me what?_" asked Ino.

"_Baa-chan is hiring me as a teacher!_" Naruto exclaimed.

"_Oh, Naruto, that's great!_" Ino squealed, hugging him again. She knew Naruto always wanted to be Headmaster and this was one step closer to his goal.

"_Don't call me that,_" muttered Tsunade, but she was smiling as much as the other two blondes. She walked over to her desk and sat down, waiting for the two to quiet down.

Ino gave Naruto another pat on the back and he hugged her and left. She turned back to Tsunade-sama, smiling, as she sat down in the chair Tsunade-sama waved at.

"_I gave you a scroll detailing your task last week, and I left nothing out. Do you have any questions?_" Tsunade-sama asked her. Ino shook her head. "_Great, well, go grab onto that portkey and get going. I haven't got all day. Send my regards to _Dumbledore_._"

"_Yes, Tsunade-sama!_" Ino said, getting off her chair. She gave on last wave to Tsunade-sama before she walked over to the portkey, a small jade figurine, and picked it up. A mere second later, she felt that pull in her stomach and then she was standing outside of a large castle.

Ino smiled and determinedly made her way to the front doors.

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Hidan arrived at the Headmaster's office, scowling and trying to decide whether or not to go in. When the students arrived, Dumberdore had said he would be sorted, just for fun and to see which house he would be in, but the stupid hat had started talking and Hidan ripped it off his head and was about to fire a curse or hex at it when everyone (except for Minerva and the grumpy man who didn't talk much and yelled at Hidan when he tried to see what he was cooking in that big pot of his) started laughing and Dumberdore had been laughing with his eyes and it was all very embarrassing. When they finally convinced him to put the hat back on, that hat went and insulted him on top of it!

"_Hmm,_" said the hat, somehow in Japanese and not the strange Engrish words Hidan had such problems with, "_very Slytherin but you go about it very Gryffindor._"

"_What the hell?_" Hidan asked.

"_You're as ambitious and self-centered as a_ Slytherin_ but as reckless and loud as a _Gryffindor_. Your honor is less than that of a _Gryffindor_ but you're far too dense and inept for a _Slytherin_._"

"_Hey!_" shouted Hidan, "_That's not fucking nice!_"

It was a very miserable evening for Hidan. Not quite as bad as the night he had been messing around with his Jashinist friends and those blood spells and he woke up invincible and immortal with the blood of his friends drenching him, but pretty bad.

When the stone creature started talking to Hidan in an insulting tone of voice, Hidan decided to just stop sulking and go in. He sullenly told the stone creature the password, having to repeat himself several times before the thing would let him in. Hidan climbed up the staircase, frowning all the way because of how everything here was so confusing.

In Dumberdore's office, a young woman a few years younger than him stood talking eagerly to the old bearded man in Engrish. Hidan took a moment to scrutinize the girl before announcing his presence. She was not short or tall, she was of average build though perhaps her legs were actually very nice. Her hair was long and blonde and she wore it pulled back tightly so Hidan reasoned that maybe she was as organized as he was. That was all he could see of her, as she wasn't facing him, and he was lucky to be able to see that much as she seemed to have taken off her outer robe.

"Um... Dumberdore," said Hidan. Dumberdore looked over at him through his spectacles and smiled.

"Oh, Hidan, come in, dear boy, come in. Have a seat. Lemon drop?" Hidan's face fell and he scowled at Dumberdore.

"_He said to have a seat, and offered you some candy. I think they're citrus flavored,_" said the girl.

"_Oh. _Dumberdore_ is always giving out candy, I should've known that was all the old fart was saying. I'm Hidan. Who are you?_" Hidan replied, taking the seat but ignoring Dumberdore completely.

"_Yamananka Ino, but just call me Ino. I'm from Konoha,_" she said.

"_Yamananka? Damn. What's a pureblood like you doing on a job like this?_"

"_My mentor sent me, but I don't mind. I didn't study English just for the heck of it. I've been wanting to visit England and _Hogwarts _for a while. But that can wait for later, _Dumbledore _wanted to discuss your plans for your first class with you._"

"_Fine. _Em, Dumberdore... you talk... class? My teach?"

"Yes, Hidan," Dumberdore replied.

"Talk to... no, no, I talk bad, Dumberdore talk Ino, Ino talk me? Uh, Dumberdore... understand? I talk Ino, Ino talk Engrish?" Hidan asked.

"Of course," Dumberdore said politely. He and Ino started talking rapidly once again and Hidan gave up on trying to follow, feeling lost.

"Dumbledore _would like to know if you plan on using any texts?_"

"_How can I?_" Hidan asked, "_I can barely ask people where the fuckin' toilet is, let alone read Engrish. I was planning on demonstrating a few curses and how to effectively put up a shield charm, then go into more detail about it. Like a lecture, only I want to use more demonstrations and such. I haven't thought a lot about lessons because for the first week or so I want to just meet my students and see what level they're at and see what they can handle, then go from there._"

Ino translated his answer for Dumberdore, who nodded and smiled.

"Sounds good!" he told Hidan. Hidan knew what "good" meant so he smiled right back at Dumberdore, and got up to leave.

"No drops, Dumberdore. Sorry," he said.

"That's quite alright," Dumberdore said, pocketing his candies.

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Her feet slapped on the stone floors as she ran over to Hidan, who was about to switch from one moving staircase to another.

"_Wait up!_" she yelled, running up the stairs. Hidan saw her and froze.

"_Stop! Skip that step right in front of you!_" Ino raised her eyebrow but did as he said. "_It's a trick stair. If you step on it, it will trap your foot and you won't be able to get out,_" he explained.

"_Oh. Thanks,_" she said.

"_Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I don't just expect you to translate. I'm gonna need help teaching -I'm not a teacher, I'm no good at this- and I need you to help me demonstrate stuff to the students. I am not gonna get in trouble with that mediwitch for injuring students before they know how to defend themselves,_" he said, irritably.

"_Uh, sure. Be happy to help. They have a mediwitch here?_"

"_Yeah. She threatened me first day I got here, but I could only speak three words of Engrish, so she used pictures. Fucking graphic pictures._"

"_I was training to be a mediwitch in Japan,_" said Ino.

"_Turn out like her and I'll fire you so fast..._" Hidan threatened. Ino laughed.

"_Will you show me around the castle?_" she asked, "_I want to see the mediwitch and the hospital wing and if they have an herb garden for potions and-_"

"_Potions? They have potions here?_" Hidan asked.

"_I thought they did. That's what Tsunade-sama said, anyway._"

"_Oh, so that guy _wasn't_ cooking! No wonder he got pissed and chased me out of his dungeons, Sasori was the same way with his potions. I never learned but Sasori did and he did really good, he's a teacher at Akatsuki now. He's probably still as secretive... he used to never let anyone in his room if he had a potion brewing. I've never even seen a potion being made before but I never thought it would look like they were cooking! Sasori always got all pissy whenever you compared potions to cooking, though. Said it was a lot more complex._"

"_You never learned how to brew potions? We learned in Konoha, and I was one of the top students. It's very difficult but I enjoyed it. They come in handy, especially for medical purposes. I think it's sort of like wandless magic in a bottle. Will you show me the potions lab?_"

"_Sure, I think I remember the way to that room the guy was brewing in. It's in the dungeons, anyway, so we can just go down. You can ask him about seeing the gardens too, I'm sure they have some. I know that they have a greenhouse but I don't like going over there because the plants attacked me but when I retaliated some witch came over and started bitching at me._"

"_Thank you, Hidan! Oh, and at the end of the day I'll need to know my way from my quarters to your classroom, my quarters to the library,your classroom to the library, your classroom to your office, my quarters to your office, my quarters to the great hall, my quarters to _Dumbledore's _office, and my quarters to yours._"

"_Well, our quarters are sort of combined. I have my own bedroom and little library spare room thing and the same goes for you but we share bathrooms and the living room. The living room opens up into my office but I think your private spare room has a door that opens into the halls. My office open up into my classroom. _Dumberdore _tried to give me some other classroom but seeing as how this one had the joined quarters he switched. But I'll show you where everything else is if you teach me how to swear in Engrish._"

Ino grinned and laughed with Hidan, then quickly gave him a lesson in swearing in English.

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Hidan led her down to the dungeons, and thought over his new assistant/translator. She was actually sort of pretty, but she bore an uncanny resemblance to Deidara. Her eyes, like many in wizarding Japan, were pupil-less but after seeing Itachi and his kekkei-genkei, eyes no longer freaked Hidan out. In fact, he distinctly remembered hearing somewhere that eyes were often linked to magic and certain kekkei-genkeis made doing magic easier. For instance, the Uchihas and their Sharingan eyes were one of the kekkei-genkei that allowed for easier illusion-related magic. So maybe Ino had some sort of powerful magic linked to her pupil-less blue eyes?

That would certainly make an interesting lesson. Hidan would have to ask Ino about it and see if she would be willing to give a demonstration if there was -as Hidan expected- a link between Ino's eyes lack of a pupil and magical ability.

Aside from that, her looks surprised Hidan. She had an air of pride that he'd come to associate with purebloods, and her manners were certainly far better than his (though Itachi held the award for most-well-mannered-bastard in Japan...) but she didn't look like a pureblood. Her clothes and robes were that of an average half-blood, her hair was not impeccable like most pureblood he'd known but instead a thick section of hair covered one of her eyes. She also was more prone to smile than any other pureblood he'd met, and Abe-no-Seimei knows Japan was overflowing with pureblood families older than the stars.

Personally, Hidan liked his translator/assistant. She seemed friendly enough, and from his years partnered with Kakuzu, he'd learned to appreciate friendliness. Being Hidan, he'd also learned the best ways to annoy those with a temper like Kakuzu's and he planned to fully use that knowledge. Maybe on the man with the black clothes and big nose and scowl? The one that answered the door when Hidan so politely (He'd show them just how _polite_ he could be once he was no longer at their mercy; not knowing the language or his way around would come to be memories soon) knocked.

The man's scowl deepened once he saw Hidan, and Hidan smiled a little in greeting.

"Ummm, I Hidan... Ino talk Engrish..." he faltered, then pointed at Ino and introduced her by simply saying her name.

"How do you do?" she asked the man, smiling politely.

"Ino -_this is a professor but I don't know his name_- teach," he pointed at the man, "Er, teach? Teach? Ah, teach... I talk, Ino talk Engrish. Teach talk, Ino talk me," he said, catching the man's attention. He frowned at Hidan's name for him but seemed to understand what Hidan was trying to say.

"What Hidan is trying to say is that I am his translator. I am Yama- er, sorry. I'm Ino Yamananka, and I think you know Hidan's name, but we don't know yours?" Ino told the man, then turned to Hidan, "_I am introducing us. By the way, would you like to me repeat things or paraphrase them when translating?_"

"My name is Severus Snape," the man said finally.

"_His name is _Severus Snape."

"_Oh! Okay, so, ask him if he's got a stick up his ass or what? And by Severus Snape, do you mean his surname is _Severus _or_ Snape_? And I would prefer paraphrasing for the usual everyday shit -how do you say shit in Engrish?- but I want you to repeat exactly what people say for things like staff meetings and in the classroom,_" Hidan replied. Ino snickered.

"_I will certainly not ask him that! He looks as if he has about three! His surname is _Snape_, so we'll call him _Severus_. If you're looking for a nickname, _Sev _or _Sevvy _should suffice. Shit is _shite_ in English, we covered this already. And that's a good general idea for paraphrasing and direct quotes._"

"If you two are going to stand there rattling off to each other, I have better uses for my time."

Hidan and Ino looked up, startled by the harsh voice.

"_Tell him he can stick it up-_"

"_I will not! By the way, ass is _arse_. Got it? Anyway, should I ask him if we can see his lab?_"

"_Fine._"

Ino turned back to Severus and smiled. "I'm so sorry. I was just interested in seeing the potions lab here and it seems that Hidan has never studied potions. He thought you were cooking, before, and apologizes for the intrusion. He didn't realize you were working. Anyway, we are both curious-"

"Yes, I believe I quite get the idea. Tell him that I will permit you to quickly view my lab and classroom but if either you pull one dunderheaded stunt..." he trailed off, and sneered at them, the threat wordless.

"_I told him about your lack of potion education, apologized for your disturbing him the other day, and managed to get permission to view his lab. I must confess, he used a word I am not familiar with: _Dunderheaded._ Any idea what it means?_"

"_I am not sorry! How dare you apologize for me? And I'm pretty sure he called me a _Doondoorhead _before when he chased me out of here._"

"Severus, I must confess we are quite confused by that word you used earlier. What does 'dunderheaded' mean?" asked Ino.

"'Dunderheaded' means stupid," Severus replied, gracefully sweeping through the room leaving Ino to trot after him and Hidan to sulkily quicken his pace through the dark dungeon rooms.

"Dunderhead is a noun, dunderheaded an adjective?"

"Yes," snapped Severus.

"_Basically, he called you an idiot,_" Ino whispered; Hidan's answering growl only causing her grin to grow wider.

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Fred and George Weasley, on their first day of Defense class, squirmed in their seats as they waited for the rest of the class to arrive. The trip wire they set up in the Great Hall was probably the source problem of their classmate's lateness. In the new DADA room, a pretty blonde woman was pacing and glancing irritably at a silver-haired man sitting at the teacher's desk who seemed to be amusing himself with one of the paper airplanes presumably from a former lesson. Every so often one of them would say something in a different language and the two would trade words, quick and rapid and full of passionate emotion -be it anger, humor, or curiosity.

Even at eleven, the twins could sense which class would hold the best opportunity for their signature brand of mischief that had Molly Weasley throwing her hands up in the air. The blonde woman with her strange blue eyes and silver-haired man looked the most likely to join in the fun, the twins decided.

Just then, the rest of their classmates poured in. Fred and George did not miss the accusing looks some of the smarter ones sent their way. Fred grinned at his brother, and held his hand up for a high-five, further cementing suspicions about their guilt.

The silver-haired man stood up, and Fred and George had to crack a grin at the two adults' sense of fashion. The man was wearing a standard Slytherin robe over a black button-up shirt which was most certainly not buttoned-up. A silver pendant hung around his neck but other than that, he seemed somewhat normal. The woman's hair was pulled back, as pristine as the man's own gelled-to-obedience hair. Besides her immaculate ponytail, she dressed in a rather disorganized manner, her clothes wrinkled and her oversized robe slipping off her shoulder. Interestingly enough, she wore boots that seemed to be made of rubber and splattered with mud; a sign of time spent in the greenhouse and a cause for Filch's future complaints.

The silver-haired man rattled off something to the blonde, and she turned away from him and smiled at the class.

"How do you do? I'm Ino Yamananka. I will be Professor Hidan's translator and assistant for the rest of this school year. Professor Hidan and I are from Japan and have a wider range of knowledge to offer you in the Defense Against the Dark Arts. I believe Professor Hidan wishes to offer a few words of greeting to you all, but I must caution that he is not fluent in English," the woman said. Fred elbowed his brother and grinned at him.

"Better than potions already, huh?" he asked.

"These two are going to be highly entertaining, I can already tell. I bet they end up together by the end of the year."

"No way!"

"I know these things, Fred."

"Right. Next thing you'll be telling me is Percy will pull a prank on ol' Dumbledore. We don't have divination just yet; let's try to keep the schoolwork to a minimum."

"Students!" roared the silver-haired man -Professor Hidan- suddenly as he slapped his hands on the desk, "You," He pointed towards the class. "are doondoorheads!"

The twins burst into laughter as Professor Hidan waggled his eyebrows and grinned.

"I," he continued, strutting for his audience (primarily consisting of two very hysteric redheads, many confused and frightened Hufflepuffs, a few baffled Ravenclaws, and the Gryffindors and Slytherins who were both warming up to the new Professor) "are bad-arse Professor Hidan! Repeat, doondoorheads! I say 'Hell-o, doondoorheads!' you say-"

"Hello, bad-arse Professor Hidan!" the twins and some of the other Gryffindors and Slytherins chorused. A few Hufflepuffs echoed that sentiment belatedly, while the twins grinned broadly.

"Ten points to doondoorheads!" cheered the Professor. Ino looked at him, took her seat to the side of his desk, and watched him with a smile.

Fred found himself agreeing with George on the matter of Hogwarts' newest inevitable couple.

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Dumbledore smiled at Tsunade. She tilted the mirror once again to show the face of Pein behind her.

"Everything is working out perfectly," he assured them, and watched in amusement as they traded small smiles.

"Good. I was so worried about Ino... she's not cut out for mediwizardry, even though she tries so hard. She was never as good as her father at mind-magic, either. I rather thought she would do well assisting a teacher," said Tsunade.

"Abe-no-Seimei knows Hidan needed someone his age but with maturity to rein him in. The humiliation of being at the mercy of others was highly convenient to his acceptance of her."

"And Ino will do well to have a friend that will draw her out; she'll need to borrow some of Hidan's spirit if she wants to ever stand up to her father and his pureblood ideals."

"The two are perfect for the teaching post, I assure you. And it already looks as if the other... goals are well on their way to being reached," said Dumbledore, "I imagine we'll hold a wedding by the end of the year."

Tsunade and Pein shared a bemused look. "Dumbledore, I can assure you that... well, Ino and Hidan are not going to... be getting married any time soon. Entirely too responsible of Hidan, entirely too foolish of Ino." said Tsunade, and Pein gave a nod in agreement.

Dumbledore thought back to his little interruption of... what was it they were calling it nowadays? Snogging? Ah, yes. Snogging in the halls outside the dungeons. His mouth twitched as he imagined just what sort of scene it would have made if Severus had been the one to discover them.

"Ah, yes, well, I'll be sure to keep you both updated." Dumbledore smiled knowingly, his blue eyes twinkling.

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**A/N: So yes, as you can see, there's a lack of HidaIno that I will have to rectify when I continue this. Hidan and Ino may seem OOC but they're supposed to be older here, thus maturer. Also, Hidan already experienced what happens when you are rude to people when you are at their mercy when he was at the Ministry, and he's Slytherin enough to keep his peace until he learns his way around. Who knows if they'll sew him up as nicely as Kakuzu would after they're done ripping him to shreds? I did have such fun writing about his difficulties with the language, though...**

**Also, if Ino were to be sorted, she would be either Slytherin or Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff because of her loyalty (You will remember that _Sakura_ was the one who broke off their friendship.) and her hard work (She worked very hard training to be a medic-nin). Slytherin because she is not above scheming and because she is very ambitious (She doesn't want to lose to Sakura again).**

**Inoichi being portrayed as pureblood snob: well, what can I say? I love Inoichi. I do. I think that in canon, he and Ino have a very lovely relationship (Ino gets her fashion sense from Inoichi. The man has taste. I'm telling you, he designed the T&I's [bad-ass] uniform!) and the two love each other a lot. Inoichi is probably the one who would be sympathetic to Muggleborns while Ino would be inclined to be more prejudiced. However, because of Inoichi's ties to the Shika-Ino-Chou trio, and the Naras, Yamanankas, and Akimichis being clans in Konoha, I decided he would be a pureblood who socialized with other purebloods.**

**According to the way I decided everyone's blood status, there would be a lot of purebloods in Japanese magical society. I sort of pictured it like old Japanese families, tracing their family trees back to the time of Abe-no-Seimei (Wikipedia was the source of my Japanese Merlin equivalent) and beyond, each imbued with their own magics. Their magic is much older than Western magic. They also take great pride in their heritage. The bias between pureblood, muggleborns, squibs, and half-bloods would be more pronounced. Ino already showed that she was capable of befriending someone who was less than popular (Sakura) when there was nothing in it for her, so I imagine she would be the type to befriend people regardless of their blood.**

**Review, doondoorheads! It honestly makes my day. To all reviewers: my thanks are as numerous as the flashbacks in Naruto Shippuden.**


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